STOP!!!!!

I'm stopping. All of it. Everything. The whole drama. The play. Stopped.

I was up till about 1am this morning. Wrestling with some things. I'm struggling with my life in several ways: all comes down to, where am I headed?!

It's overwhelming me. I know this period in my life is to be about a re birthing of who I suppressed but I jumped in and now I'm tired. Really tired. And fed up over the things that aren't going according to plan.

1. My career: I'm about to let it all hang out on here. During the last few months I finally caved. I am meant to be a doctor but I've been waring with it. Because I want to be a wife and mother. I've been scared that if I pursued the MD then I wouldn't have a family. And family is number one for me. But ya know what? I cannot keep waiting for things to happen that may never be. So, I'm about to go ahead and take the first step without knowing where the end of the journey will be.

2. My health: I've been yo yo-ing since college. Probably the fourth year is when I really gained weight. I know now what causes it. My relationships. It's a very sick cycle that I'm deciding today MUST end. I'm steadily on my way back to my normal healthy weight and this time I'll stay there. Food is not the way for me to deal with stressful relationships. I simply need to not be in those ridiculous relationships to begin with.

3. My love life: I did something hard for me last night. I just stopped. Stopped making plans for it. Stopped reaching for it. Stopped anticipating it. Stopped expected it. Not because I think it will never happen but because it is stunting me. I had to cut off some ties. Close some avenues without providing detours.

4. My spiritual life: The most important of them all. I'm getting baptized this Sabbath. I realized something. I've been soooo busy that I'm missing out on this time. I should be enjoying but I'm stressed. So I'm stopping it all. Simplicity is the key to de stressing. I've been thinking about my outfit, the food for the lunch, learning the Praise Team songs bla bla bla. NONE of it has a single affect on what is about to happen this Sabbath. I'm making a commitment to walk this journey of life with God. I'm deciding that when I fall I'll still hold His hand so He can help me back up....because I WILL fall. All the time, but thank goodness for a merciful and forgiving and loving God.

Yes so last night I stopped. It all. Everything. Instead of focusing on the things that I can see (which are temporary) I'm going to focus on the things that I cannot see (which are permanent).

Try it.