Love again?

I have no idea what to talk about today. My emotions are everywhere. The inner circle is aware of my issue......

but anyways,

I'm getting tired. I'm over the not having sex thing. I was suffering from physical withdrawl the first few months but now that I've forgotten what it feels like I've passed this hurdle.

May I venture to say that I might be kinda cute. lol. My cuteness can attract a man or two and I been tellin em all 'nah I'm not dating right now'. It's not like any of them were real prospectives or anything. But still..... They ask me why and I don't know how to explain. So I don't.

Remember that Seinfeld episode when Elaine wasn't having any sex and her mind got all cloudy and she became dumb? Lol. I love the concept. I don't think it's true though. I think I might be getting smarter now that all my blood stays up at my brain.

I wonder sometimes what it will be like when I do it again. I'm sure that will be years from now. I'm on the 'wait till I'm married' tip. And since I dont have a man, or even a boyfriend, or even a guy that I like, or even a guy that I talk to on the phone...needless to say that won't be happening for a few years I'm sure.

I think second virginity is a real thing. I overstand now (lol. yes my semi-mentor has gotten me to start saying overstand instead of understand). I really do feel like I'm being birthed again into my second life. All that stuff before was me chillin in life's womb. Now the labor pains have begun. This is the last phase of the delivery and it hurts the most. But when I'm all out and cleaned off I'll have a bright future.

I wasn't meant be all sexless but I also wasn't meant to be having sex when I was. Those desires were to remain dormant until the right man came along but I screwed up so now I have to deal with the consequences. I'm quite a sexual/sensual chick. I'm in tune with myself and I've got alot to express. Guess I'll just twiggle my thumbs until such time a worthy man presents himself and I can pour it all out on him. Lucky man he is.

I will say that what I miss are the small things. Like watching a movie, shadow boxing, head rubbing( i like scalps), having someone to crack my toes, just a hug, a wink from across the room, even the arguments, the dinners, the day trips, the massages, the pecks, the naps, just sitting there breathing....

Ahh well.....one day.