I'm irritated. Some bug bit my leg and it has left a gross bump. It's right about my ankle and it looks like I gots small pox. I take pride in my legs and this is horrifying to me.
So I went to DC for a few hours today to get my Passport renewed. It was a ZOO. I wish I had my camera so I could post the pics for all to see.
Screaming babies, body odor, ashy heels, cussin citizens...lol One guy said he was ashamed to be an American because they wouldn't issue him a passport (he forgot his birth certificate home by the way).
But I do wonder why state and federal offices have to act like they rule the world. They have NO respect for your time and don't care if they are ruining your plans. And not only that, the most ignant/unattractive people work there. It must be a requirement on the application (Ass Holes ONLY).
And it's like they happy to say 'I'm sorry ma'am but you won't be able to make your flight'. Cause they broke and can't afford to go no where but Six Flags. I felt bad for this one white lady. She was tryna get to Europe and they gave her some reason why she'd have to come back tomorrow and she FLIPPED OUT. Apparently she'd been waiting since 8:30AM (she didn't have an appt like Nichova :) The black chick behind the counter didn't so much as bat her eyes whilst this white lady was waving her arms about and yelling. lol. Sorry, you had to be there.
And then I almost snatched this Indian lady's lil son. He was screaming and she wouldn't stop him. And he wasn't a baby, he was about 2. That's old enough to get slapped in your throat. I started to time it. If they didn't call me to get my passport within 3 more minutes I was gonna have to tell the lady to 'Get a handle on your loud ass kid!' And I don't even curse no more but I think I'da done so today. I was imagining myself kicking this 2yr old in the face. He was SOOOO LOUD.
I'm not a child abuser.
And yesterday I went to my cousin's going away party. I had a good ole' time. And there was no drinking, or cussing, or sexual overtones. It was wholesome grown up fun. Felt nice. I didn't stick out like a sore thumb for once.
Random blog today....my apologies.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
My sister is a turtle and I'm sooo proud!!!
OH MAN!!! I THINK I MIGHT CRY. My sister got into the school of her choice today.
Praise God!!!
I have watched her anxiety grow since she sent in that application. I was so worried for her that I started to prep her just in case she didn't get in. I was asking her about her alternative plans to reassure her that there would be success regardless.
But God is good and she is faithful.
I am very proud of my sister. The two of us are pretty much doing it all on our own and it's not easy. She's got a full time job and she's been a full time student. She had to become responsible for herself sooner than she should have but she didn't crumble under that pressure.
In this instance I feel like I can completely worry about myself now. I've been concerned about her being self sufficient and I didn't want to leave and go to grad school or something without her situation being secure. I know this burden was hers but I feel a weight off of me. So I guess I'm up to bat.
The world is wide open. The opportunities are endless and dreams are attainable. You just have to work hard even when no end is in site.
She's now a turtle. Does that trump a retriever?
Praise God!!!
I have watched her anxiety grow since she sent in that application. I was so worried for her that I started to prep her just in case she didn't get in. I was asking her about her alternative plans to reassure her that there would be success regardless.
But God is good and she is faithful.
I am very proud of my sister. The two of us are pretty much doing it all on our own and it's not easy. She's got a full time job and she's been a full time student. She had to become responsible for herself sooner than she should have but she didn't crumble under that pressure.
In this instance I feel like I can completely worry about myself now. I've been concerned about her being self sufficient and I didn't want to leave and go to grad school or something without her situation being secure. I know this burden was hers but I feel a weight off of me. So I guess I'm up to bat.
The world is wide open. The opportunities are endless and dreams are attainable. You just have to work hard even when no end is in site.
She's now a turtle. Does that trump a retriever?
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Nichova Warrior Princess
Back to me being/feeling a lil older.
I went out with two of my buddies after work and realized something.....I am too old for drama as well. I've been single and dateless for a year and it has been the most peaceful year of my entire life! I haven't had the boyfriend/girlfriend drama that I'd become accustomed too. Relationship issues are just not cool and I am too old for it.
Nichova is a straight up chick these day. If I like someone I'll just tell them and see how they feel. I dont like rejection but I loathe the head games even more. Who has time for alla that?! We grown as hell!
Don't drop no hints and expect me to pick em up. I'ma notice and peace out. I get annoyed easily with the nonsense. I just feel like at this stage of my life I have been through or seen all there is to see about relationships. Its TOO MUCH. I have promised myself that no matter how nice the guy is and perfect he may seem, if he cannot be straight up and real with me then he needs to LEAVE ME ALONE. I'll just end up snatching his masculinity eventually if he keeps hanging around me.
I'm not Xena/Nichova Warrior Princess or nothing but I do think I am very smart and a strong personality. Not strong as in loud and pushy but strong as in secure and confident. I'm actually pretty quiet and chill and 'to myself' most of the time. It works to my advantage because I like to giggle to myself when people think they are outsmarting me. Men especially. Gotta just leave em alone and let them feel smart sometimes.
I just don't know how this is going to work out. People keeping asking me what I'm going to do once I put myself back on the market. I am very interested to see the type of man that is able to stick it out with me. I already know the type. It'll be the guy that pisses me off cause he calls me out on my *ish and I can't say anything back. I need to be put in my place and I know it. It's the one that says 'come here for a second' (with the head tilt thingy) and I take him seriously and actually go instead of rolling my neck and going the opposite way. Or how about a man that winks at me and I gotta bite my lip to keep myself together. THAT is what Nichova needs but of course is harder to find than the fountain of youth. REAL men.
Oh yes and I want someone spiritual like me. I'm not a big bible thumper. I'm more of a spiritual person. That's what I want to see. When I call he tells me hold on I was praying lemme call you back. Or he was READING A BOOK! WHAT?! Books are so sexy.
So in closing....
1. Nichova is too old for the drama
2. Nichova needs a strong man that can put her in her place
3. Nichova wants a spiritual book reading man
4. Nichova is inlove with Maxwell. I have watched the youtube of that man about 100X. (This wasn't in the blog but I thought I'd share)
Good Day!
I went out with two of my buddies after work and realized something.....I am too old for drama as well. I've been single and dateless for a year and it has been the most peaceful year of my entire life! I haven't had the boyfriend/girlfriend drama that I'd become accustomed too. Relationship issues are just not cool and I am too old for it.
Nichova is a straight up chick these day. If I like someone I'll just tell them and see how they feel. I dont like rejection but I loathe the head games even more. Who has time for alla that?! We grown as hell!
Don't drop no hints and expect me to pick em up. I'ma notice and peace out. I get annoyed easily with the nonsense. I just feel like at this stage of my life I have been through or seen all there is to see about relationships. Its TOO MUCH. I have promised myself that no matter how nice the guy is and perfect he may seem, if he cannot be straight up and real with me then he needs to LEAVE ME ALONE. I'll just end up snatching his masculinity eventually if he keeps hanging around me.
I'm not Xena/Nichova Warrior Princess or nothing but I do think I am very smart and a strong personality. Not strong as in loud and pushy but strong as in secure and confident. I'm actually pretty quiet and chill and 'to myself' most of the time. It works to my advantage because I like to giggle to myself when people think they are outsmarting me. Men especially. Gotta just leave em alone and let them feel smart sometimes.
I just don't know how this is going to work out. People keeping asking me what I'm going to do once I put myself back on the market. I am very interested to see the type of man that is able to stick it out with me. I already know the type. It'll be the guy that pisses me off cause he calls me out on my *ish and I can't say anything back. I need to be put in my place and I know it. It's the one that says 'come here for a second' (with the head tilt thingy) and I take him seriously and actually go instead of rolling my neck and going the opposite way. Or how about a man that winks at me and I gotta bite my lip to keep myself together. THAT is what Nichova needs but of course is harder to find than the fountain of youth. REAL men.
Oh yes and I want someone spiritual like me. I'm not a big bible thumper. I'm more of a spiritual person. That's what I want to see. When I call he tells me hold on I was praying lemme call you back. Or he was READING A BOOK! WHAT?! Books are so sexy.
So in closing....
1. Nichova is too old for the drama
2. Nichova needs a strong man that can put her in her place
3. Nichova wants a spiritual book reading man
4. Nichova is inlove with Maxwell. I have watched the youtube of that man about 100X. (This wasn't in the blog but I thought I'd share)
Good Day!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The Unbreakable Bond
On my way to work I was listening to 96.3FM and Robin Thicke was on the Steve Harvey Morning Show. I think that man is so sexy btw. If I ever do date a white guy he's gotta be something like that. But he gave his opinion on the Strawberry Letter and I just thought he was profound. Basically he said 'If what you have today is better than what you didn't have yesterday, work on keeping it'. That helps me when I think about forgiving people and moving on. Yes the past is hurtful but if what you have in the present makes you happy you need to just work on moving on.
I think about my exes from time to time and now I can laugh (most of the time). I was PISSED with all of em at some point. When Nichova goes off it's really an ugly scene. I'm not proud to say that my last two relationships required police involvement to end them. All that 'extraness' is not me but I didn't have a choice. Looking back those relationships probably saved my life. The first was bad but I didn't listen so I had to go through the second to really stop my ridiculousness and get back on track. Now I look back at those two and thank them for the roll they've played in my life.
Every single guy I've dated, I've only had 4 real boyfriends in my entire life, has left an imprint on me. I've learned something. Either he turned out to be such a jerk that I know what NOT to look for or I've extracted the good qualities to know what to look for. Every one of them had something good or I wouldn't have been attracted to them. Usually it was humor and good looks.
One has left an undeniable impression on me. To this very day I can't explain why or even how. I think it's a spiritual thing. It's the WORST when you allow your spirit to get all entangled in another person's. When the relationship ends there is simply nothing you can do to break that bond. I am bonded to him for LIFE no matter what I do. I have finally realized this so I'm not fighting it any more. This can only happen to you once in life. Because of this bond I don't think I'll ever be able to repeat that with another person. There will always be 'something' that I haven't given because it lives with another. (I'm going to delete this blog before I find the man I'ma marry lol)
Today's blog is done. I wrote the pieces at different times of day so please overlook the disjointed feeling.
BTW. MAXWELL BABY I LOVE YOU!!!!
I hope everyone saw him on the BET Awards last night. If not http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1LjrMYeuJI
feast upon him in awe.
I'm a tiny fan of his.
I think about my exes from time to time and now I can laugh (most of the time). I was PISSED with all of em at some point. When Nichova goes off it's really an ugly scene. I'm not proud to say that my last two relationships required police involvement to end them. All that 'extraness' is not me but I didn't have a choice. Looking back those relationships probably saved my life. The first was bad but I didn't listen so I had to go through the second to really stop my ridiculousness and get back on track. Now I look back at those two and thank them for the roll they've played in my life.
Every single guy I've dated, I've only had 4 real boyfriends in my entire life, has left an imprint on me. I've learned something. Either he turned out to be such a jerk that I know what NOT to look for or I've extracted the good qualities to know what to look for. Every one of them had something good or I wouldn't have been attracted to them. Usually it was humor and good looks.
One has left an undeniable impression on me. To this very day I can't explain why or even how. I think it's a spiritual thing. It's the WORST when you allow your spirit to get all entangled in another person's. When the relationship ends there is simply nothing you can do to break that bond. I am bonded to him for LIFE no matter what I do. I have finally realized this so I'm not fighting it any more. This can only happen to you once in life. Because of this bond I don't think I'll ever be able to repeat that with another person. There will always be 'something' that I haven't given because it lives with another. (I'm going to delete this blog before I find the man I'ma marry lol)
Today's blog is done. I wrote the pieces at different times of day so please overlook the disjointed feeling.
BTW. MAXWELL BABY I LOVE YOU!!!!
I hope everyone saw him on the BET Awards last night. If not http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1LjrMYeuJI
feast upon him in awe.
I'm a tiny fan of his.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Old Fogie Nichova?
Happy Tuesday! :)
I was off yesterday so I am very well rested. I had to go to traffic court.....I won of course.
Today I'm biting off my friend's inspirations (sorry TJ but I can't think of anything else to write about).
I'm feeling like a granny. Not really like an old fogie but I do see that I've aged. I'm not even 26 yet and I would prefer to play Bingo then go to a club. I enjoy Lifetime movies and hot cider. I would preferably be in bed by 10pm nightly. Rap and Club music give me a headache. I listen to 96.3FM and WTOP. My back is always aching. My knees crack occasionally. I find myself telling young people "You'll understand when you are my age". lol Veggies actually aren't so bad. And things are often TOO sweet. I never thought I'd see the day.
When Pastor is preaching I can actually relate. I be in there clapping and 'Amen-ing' and nodding. My life can actually be a lesson for young people. I gots stuff to share.
After my birthday next month I will start to deny my age.
When I picture a great vacation it consists of doing NOTHING. I want to lay on a beach and sleep, get a massage afterwards, sleep some more, snorkel or something, take a nap, go on a nice walk then..... you get the idea.
I don't think anything is wrong with me. I'm not boring. As a matter of fact I think alot about quitting my job and traveling when I've got the funds ready. Yesterday I was thinking about moving to another state just to get a change of scenery. I was thinking to apply to grad school across the country or something. I'm only gonna live once so why stick up in this place? The world is too big to be content in Montgomery County Maryland. I've been thinking about buying a house but I don't feel right putting down roots anywhere yet. I have no idea where I'll settle down. Might be in another country. I'm open to all kinds of things. Anybody feel me? Probably not.
A paradox lives in me. I feel like a granny sometimes but I'm not ready for children yet because I wanna live on my own dime for a little while longer. I wouldn't mind the companionship of a husband but I'd wanna live child free for a few years and explore together. I either feel old or really young; no in betweens with me.
I just want to be happy and experience a surprise here and there in life. I HATE routine. I can't deal with knowing EXACTLY how my week is going to play out. Even if something bad happens at least it wasn't expected. I want SOMETHING.....
Maybe I'm just a restless soul. Always searching and pushing and asking questions. Perhaps I should be an archaeologist like Indiana Jones. I want some great adventures too.
I was off yesterday so I am very well rested. I had to go to traffic court.....I won of course.
Today I'm biting off my friend's inspirations (sorry TJ but I can't think of anything else to write about).
I'm feeling like a granny. Not really like an old fogie but I do see that I've aged. I'm not even 26 yet and I would prefer to play Bingo then go to a club. I enjoy Lifetime movies and hot cider. I would preferably be in bed by 10pm nightly. Rap and Club music give me a headache. I listen to 96.3FM and WTOP. My back is always aching. My knees crack occasionally. I find myself telling young people "You'll understand when you are my age". lol Veggies actually aren't so bad. And things are often TOO sweet. I never thought I'd see the day.
When Pastor is preaching I can actually relate. I be in there clapping and 'Amen-ing' and nodding. My life can actually be a lesson for young people. I gots stuff to share.
After my birthday next month I will start to deny my age.
When I picture a great vacation it consists of doing NOTHING. I want to lay on a beach and sleep, get a massage afterwards, sleep some more, snorkel or something, take a nap, go on a nice walk then..... you get the idea.
I don't think anything is wrong with me. I'm not boring. As a matter of fact I think alot about quitting my job and traveling when I've got the funds ready. Yesterday I was thinking about moving to another state just to get a change of scenery. I was thinking to apply to grad school across the country or something. I'm only gonna live once so why stick up in this place? The world is too big to be content in Montgomery County Maryland. I've been thinking about buying a house but I don't feel right putting down roots anywhere yet. I have no idea where I'll settle down. Might be in another country. I'm open to all kinds of things. Anybody feel me? Probably not.
A paradox lives in me. I feel like a granny sometimes but I'm not ready for children yet because I wanna live on my own dime for a little while longer. I wouldn't mind the companionship of a husband but I'd wanna live child free for a few years and explore together. I either feel old or really young; no in betweens with me.
I just want to be happy and experience a surprise here and there in life. I HATE routine. I can't deal with knowing EXACTLY how my week is going to play out. Even if something bad happens at least it wasn't expected. I want SOMETHING.....
Maybe I'm just a restless soul. Always searching and pushing and asking questions. Perhaps I should be an archaeologist like Indiana Jones. I want some great adventures too.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I Am Not My Hair
OMG!! Nichova is 100% Naptural! I am sitting at my desk right now fighting back tears.
So Tameka at the natural hair salon did perfectly. She cut off only the perm parts. She gave me the bomb deep condition and all that. I walked out of the salon feeling great. I smiled all the way home. I took pictures of my hair while I was driving home. I felt FREE.
This morning......
I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. I went in the shower and condition washed. Put in some moisturizer. Shook it around. It was cute! I put the scarf around the front. Got all dressed and began my new strut out the front door.
I opened the front door and the outside world hit me. I took one step onto the Welcome Mat and I burst into tears. OUT OF NOWHERE. I couldn't do it. I dropped everything and ran to my bathroom to tie my hair up in a scarf. :(
It seems I'm just not ready yet. I have NEVER had short hair. My entire life I've been able to at least have a pony tail. When I decided to go natural my permed hair was really nice. It had grown quite long and I was happy with it. I just had a nagging feeling inside that it wasn't me and I needed to break free from the chemicals.....so I just started avoiding my perms until one day there was a mini fro under there. Then came braids and now I'm 100% naptural.
It's been a little over a year. I guess I thought I should be ready but I'm not. I never realized how important my hair was to me. It's been a part of me for so long. I do wanna cry right now just thinking back on all my cute lil styles over the years. I could always count on my hair to be long and look cute....even if I'd gained weight or my outfit was a mess. Now I don't have my safety net. My security blanket is gone and I feel naked without it.
But....I'm Nichova so I'll be fine. I just need to get used to it. I need baby steps. All the way to work this morning I was telling myself that I'd just get braids for one more year and then I'd be fine. But what if I cry again in a year? This was like an anxiety attack. I was paralyzed.
Lol. I've always hated India Irie's song "I am not my hair"....I felt like she was only saying that cause hers wasn't cute. lol. I was ignant. I see her point. I should feel like me regardless of my hair. I certainly WAS my hair so now I understand that feeling that was in me nagging me to go natural. Freedom was that small voice......
And it makes sense. I've been morphing over the past year. I felt like I was the biggest paradox having a perm and being natural in almost all other ways. I've been making my own natural body products. I'm shopping organic. My final plan is to be vegetarian and not consume animal products. The perm just aint make no sense. This makes more sense. What's right often isn't what's comfortable or what's easiest.
I'm still pretty. I'm still happy. I'm still free. I'm still me. I just look a lil different......
So Tameka at the natural hair salon did perfectly. She cut off only the perm parts. She gave me the bomb deep condition and all that. I walked out of the salon feeling great. I smiled all the way home. I took pictures of my hair while I was driving home. I felt FREE.
This morning......
I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. I went in the shower and condition washed. Put in some moisturizer. Shook it around. It was cute! I put the scarf around the front. Got all dressed and began my new strut out the front door.
I opened the front door and the outside world hit me. I took one step onto the Welcome Mat and I burst into tears. OUT OF NOWHERE. I couldn't do it. I dropped everything and ran to my bathroom to tie my hair up in a scarf. :(
It seems I'm just not ready yet. I have NEVER had short hair. My entire life I've been able to at least have a pony tail. When I decided to go natural my permed hair was really nice. It had grown quite long and I was happy with it. I just had a nagging feeling inside that it wasn't me and I needed to break free from the chemicals.....so I just started avoiding my perms until one day there was a mini fro under there. Then came braids and now I'm 100% naptural.
It's been a little over a year. I guess I thought I should be ready but I'm not. I never realized how important my hair was to me. It's been a part of me for so long. I do wanna cry right now just thinking back on all my cute lil styles over the years. I could always count on my hair to be long and look cute....even if I'd gained weight or my outfit was a mess. Now I don't have my safety net. My security blanket is gone and I feel naked without it.
But....I'm Nichova so I'll be fine. I just need to get used to it. I need baby steps. All the way to work this morning I was telling myself that I'd just get braids for one more year and then I'd be fine. But what if I cry again in a year? This was like an anxiety attack. I was paralyzed.
Lol. I've always hated India Irie's song "I am not my hair"....I felt like she was only saying that cause hers wasn't cute. lol. I was ignant. I see her point. I should feel like me regardless of my hair. I certainly WAS my hair so now I understand that feeling that was in me nagging me to go natural. Freedom was that small voice......
And it makes sense. I've been morphing over the past year. I felt like I was the biggest paradox having a perm and being natural in almost all other ways. I've been making my own natural body products. I'm shopping organic. My final plan is to be vegetarian and not consume animal products. The perm just aint make no sense. This makes more sense. What's right often isn't what's comfortable or what's easiest.
I'm still pretty. I'm still happy. I'm still free. I'm still me. I just look a lil different......
Monday, June 16, 2008
Crazy Weekend.
So I'm gonna write this blog and get it outa the way before my work week gets outa hand once again...
CRAZY CRAZY weekend! My body is all sore.
Thursday - Up until almost 4AM taking my braids out. This was a four day job folks!
Friday - end of my workweek but just the beginning of the weekend madness. I was in Shoppers Food Warehouse until 8pm and I left with a cart load of drinks and things to make drinks. (I shall explain later) My upper body and lower back were throbbing by the end of this day.
Saturday - I was late to church because I simply couldn't get outa my bed. I missed the Children's Choir debut (that really upset me). I went to my friend's home for lunch. Went home to change and head right back to church again.
My mom organized a Gospel/Jazz cafe. I was responsible for all the drinks. And since I'm Nichova I went overboard. I only offered mixed drinks (absent the alcohol of course). They were great though! So great that I was thrown back into my restaurant serving days when over 100 guests ordered their mixed drinks AT THE SAME TIME!!!! :( OH MY GOSH!! I wanted to cry for a split second when the servers (some of the youth of the church) dropped off all their orders in a huge pile in front of me. I spilled club soda all down my shirt and crotch but an hour later I was done! Whew! I don't even remember how I did it. But I have impressed myself. Those who didn't come missed out...
BTW the concert/cafe was incredible. I was blessed even though I was in the back of the room losing my mind.
I didn't leave until after midnight because the church had to be cleaned and set up for the next day's events.
Sunday - I returned at 930AM to assist with the Father's Day brunch. Women were cooking, I was setting up and arranging and whatnot. EXHAUSTED. After serving the men and photographing the program I cleaned up. No easy job. Dishes for days I tell you. Btw, I once again offered an array of drinks. Teas and juices and whatnot.
Went home and took a nap. Washed my hair FINALLY. Went out with sis and Dad. Saw Indiana Jones and went to Macaroni Grill. Got home at almost 11pm. Watched the rest of the NBA finals (I hate the Lakers). Pin curled my hair and fell into a coma.
Monday - TIRED!
My outlook calendar is incredible this summer. I don't know how I'm going to do it all. But honestly I love it all. It's rewarding to serve. I just didn't realize how many muscles you needed to do it.
CRAZY CRAZY weekend! My body is all sore.
Thursday - Up until almost 4AM taking my braids out. This was a four day job folks!
Friday - end of my workweek but just the beginning of the weekend madness. I was in Shoppers Food Warehouse until 8pm and I left with a cart load of drinks and things to make drinks. (I shall explain later) My upper body and lower back were throbbing by the end of this day.
Saturday - I was late to church because I simply couldn't get outa my bed. I missed the Children's Choir debut (that really upset me). I went to my friend's home for lunch. Went home to change and head right back to church again.
My mom organized a Gospel/Jazz cafe. I was responsible for all the drinks. And since I'm Nichova I went overboard. I only offered mixed drinks (absent the alcohol of course). They were great though! So great that I was thrown back into my restaurant serving days when over 100 guests ordered their mixed drinks AT THE SAME TIME!!!! :( OH MY GOSH!! I wanted to cry for a split second when the servers (some of the youth of the church) dropped off all their orders in a huge pile in front of me. I spilled club soda all down my shirt and crotch but an hour later I was done! Whew! I don't even remember how I did it. But I have impressed myself. Those who didn't come missed out...
BTW the concert/cafe was incredible. I was blessed even though I was in the back of the room losing my mind.
I didn't leave until after midnight because the church had to be cleaned and set up for the next day's events.
Sunday - I returned at 930AM to assist with the Father's Day brunch. Women were cooking, I was setting up and arranging and whatnot. EXHAUSTED. After serving the men and photographing the program I cleaned up. No easy job. Dishes for days I tell you. Btw, I once again offered an array of drinks. Teas and juices and whatnot.
Went home and took a nap. Washed my hair FINALLY. Went out with sis and Dad. Saw Indiana Jones and went to Macaroni Grill. Got home at almost 11pm. Watched the rest of the NBA finals (I hate the Lakers). Pin curled my hair and fell into a coma.
Monday - TIRED!
My outlook calendar is incredible this summer. I don't know how I'm going to do it all. But honestly I love it all. It's rewarding to serve. I just didn't realize how many muscles you needed to do it.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Caged
I have been slacking again. My job is keeping me quite occupied during the day.
These people and their crazy expectations of actual work.....
Emily King has been playing at my desk and in my car for about 3 days now. It's rare that I become absorbed in an album after hearing it only once.
She's not a great singer but her music gets me. Or at least a part of me. She reminds me of Lauryn Hill but not the famous Lauryn Hill; the guitar playing one. I LOVED the MTV uncut album. I rock that album more than Miseducation. She wasn't about entertaining she was just pouring her creativity. Raspy voice and unkept eyebrows. I miss her.
My favorite song on Emily's album is 'Ride with Me'. Just listen to it. It sounds alot like many of my earlier blogs....before I got a little lost. I lost the focus of my blogging. I don't mind that people read em. And it's cute to read the responses but at the end of the day they've ALWAYS been for me.
When I go back and read them I see the many folds of my personality. I've learned alot about me. I'm quite pleased with what I have observed. Quite proud of myself and how I handle myself especially. I'm not perfect of course but I'm generally a good person and I am a caring person as long as you don't act ridiculous. Actually I still care regardless, I just find a way to distance myself. I've been bound for so long and it feels GREAT to feel free from all the 'extra'.
But as the song says, I feel trapped in a cage at times. I'm not a narcissist but I feel like this planet aint enough. A regular life just aint enough. That's what drives me to travel. It's like I'm getting outa my cage.
I wish I was rich. Not cause I love money but so I could just ride in the wind. (lol sometimes I think I belong in those old black and white films full of happy endings)
I'm waiting for it to feel real and familiar and safe. July 18th is when it all begins....
btw. It has taken me 3 days to write this blog. that's how busy I have been.
These people and their crazy expectations of actual work.....
Emily King has been playing at my desk and in my car for about 3 days now. It's rare that I become absorbed in an album after hearing it only once.
She's not a great singer but her music gets me. Or at least a part of me. She reminds me of Lauryn Hill but not the famous Lauryn Hill; the guitar playing one. I LOVED the MTV uncut album. I rock that album more than Miseducation. She wasn't about entertaining she was just pouring her creativity. Raspy voice and unkept eyebrows. I miss her.
My favorite song on Emily's album is 'Ride with Me'. Just listen to it. It sounds alot like many of my earlier blogs....before I got a little lost. I lost the focus of my blogging. I don't mind that people read em. And it's cute to read the responses but at the end of the day they've ALWAYS been for me.
When I go back and read them I see the many folds of my personality. I've learned alot about me. I'm quite pleased with what I have observed. Quite proud of myself and how I handle myself especially. I'm not perfect of course but I'm generally a good person and I am a caring person as long as you don't act ridiculous. Actually I still care regardless, I just find a way to distance myself. I've been bound for so long and it feels GREAT to feel free from all the 'extra'.
But as the song says, I feel trapped in a cage at times. I'm not a narcissist but I feel like this planet aint enough. A regular life just aint enough. That's what drives me to travel. It's like I'm getting outa my cage.
I wish I was rich. Not cause I love money but so I could just ride in the wind. (lol sometimes I think I belong in those old black and white films full of happy endings)
I'm waiting for it to feel real and familiar and safe. July 18th is when it all begins....
btw. It has taken me 3 days to write this blog. that's how busy I have been.
Monday, June 9, 2008
U-Turning towards Excellence
I attended a truly classy affair Sunday. A young woman from my church graduated from Yale with her MD/PhD. Coincidentally she is an M4. Most of my friends know what I mean by that.
I felt elevated to be in the company of such a person. And I know alot of successful people but she is truly unique. She's humble.
Truly humble. She's beautiful and smart and successful and humble. Now that is hard to find. I know NO ONE like this. Not because I don't know people with those characteristics but because she is at the top of her game in all four. That is what I've never seen before.
I suppose she is the epitome of what I've always wanted to be. I've been close before. When I was at my absolute worst part of my life I was humbled. Had no choice. And when I realized that there was no excellence in me on my own but that it was all Divine, I became a creature of beauty. I was saved by those around me. NO ONE can do this life thing on their own.
I got sidetracked on the road to excellence but I got back on path this weekend....Updates to follow on that story as it progresses.
But isn't excellence more than academic degrees and fat paychecks? It has to be. I wanna be an excellent person. I've got a ways to go. I wanted to be excellent and lost that drive. I know why now. I didn't surround myself with the excellence I wanted to emulate. I only kept one type close to me and alienated the rest.
With my spirit renewed and cleaned I understand that true excellence is embodied in those who love and give effortlessly. Those who have much and give more. I want to give but I am not in the position to do so yet; not the way I want to. I want to give my time, my money, my affection, my advice, my story, my all.
If I can do that one day I'll have been self actualized and excellent with the one life I've been given to live.
First steps have been taken. It was a U-turn.
I felt elevated to be in the company of such a person. And I know alot of successful people but she is truly unique. She's humble.
Truly humble. She's beautiful and smart and successful and humble. Now that is hard to find. I know NO ONE like this. Not because I don't know people with those characteristics but because she is at the top of her game in all four. That is what I've never seen before.
I suppose she is the epitome of what I've always wanted to be. I've been close before. When I was at my absolute worst part of my life I was humbled. Had no choice. And when I realized that there was no excellence in me on my own but that it was all Divine, I became a creature of beauty. I was saved by those around me. NO ONE can do this life thing on their own.
I got sidetracked on the road to excellence but I got back on path this weekend....Updates to follow on that story as it progresses.
But isn't excellence more than academic degrees and fat paychecks? It has to be. I wanna be an excellent person. I've got a ways to go. I wanted to be excellent and lost that drive. I know why now. I didn't surround myself with the excellence I wanted to emulate. I only kept one type close to me and alienated the rest.
With my spirit renewed and cleaned I understand that true excellence is embodied in those who love and give effortlessly. Those who have much and give more. I want to give but I am not in the position to do so yet; not the way I want to. I want to give my time, my money, my affection, my advice, my story, my all.
If I can do that one day I'll have been self actualized and excellent with the one life I've been given to live.
First steps have been taken. It was a U-turn.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Weak but Strong
Umm. I cannot sleep. I went out with my sis a few hours ago and had two red bulls. I'm wired!
I have no idea what I'm about to write but it always ends up as SOMETHING in the end....
I missed church last week. That really set my week off bad. I didn't have that relaxing break before starting my work week again. I made sure to get there today. So happy that I did.
Nichova isn't an emotional woman. I've got great control over myself 98% of the time. But when I walk through the doors of church those emotional floodgates open. I had a panic attack in church one Sabbath because of this. I cannot deal with not being in control of me.
Thursday was a not too great of a day so after happy hour with coworkers I was on my way home and I randomly decided to swing into church. I've never done that. Walked in the door and IMMEDIATELY my posture relaxed and I felt safe. Like what was outside those doors couldn't get to me anymore. I was sheltered. I smiled.
Men's Bible Study was going on and they told me to come in and join the discussion. I did. And I was blessed. Like a spiritual B12 shot. The topic was heated. I was in a serious debate but it was still cool. When we were done having it out we all held hands and prayed and joked as we left. I drove away feeling relief. That is what I love most about being a Christian....the warmth of my church family. They give the best hugs and know just when you need them.
Friday was a regular day. I woke up and felt like I would have a good day. And in general I did. My coworker had her baby shower so I spent most of my work day buying gifts and wrapping things and taking pictures and eating cake. Hard job but someone had to do it :)
But THANK GOD for Sabbath. I don't know what I would do without this gift. I walked in those doors again and felt like I could be me again.....the person I always suppress because it's easier to fit in with what's out there than to be different....than to be spiritual and confident.
Good ole' Pastor made me cry in the pew today. Yes Nichova let it out today! And I feel so much better. I bought my own copy of the sermon on CD so I can hear it again and share it with people that have gone through what I have.
I guess it wasn't Pastor that made me cry but God through Pastor. I often feel like the sermons are speaking to me but today it was as if no one was in the sanctuary but me and God. I said some prayers and asked some questions just prior to going to church and the ENTIRE sermon DIRECTLY answered my question and went one step further...gave me directions on how to deal with my issues.
It was humbling. The same God that created the universe felt I was special enough to send a message to me. I know I sound crazy to most but I think this happens to everyone at least once...when it happens to you you'll know what I mean. It's awesome.
I suppose after the crazy week I've had I should be writing about those escapades but interestingly enough what impressed me about my week were the moments in church that I faced myself and my life and my choices and I cried. I set myself free.
Guess I had this whole thing backwards. Being a tough girl was counter productive. That's why even my body would revolt when I went to church. I needed to become weak so He could make me strong.
Now I really feel strong. Because it's not like the battle is over. It'll only get worse. Daily I'll be bombarded with temptations and evil and occasionally I'll fall but I'll keep getting back up.
The devil never gives up so I can't either.
The more I align myself with Jesus the more my life will be a struggle just like his was. I welcome the struggle cause I realized this week that I'm not alone. There are thousands just like me.
hmmm.....ended up being SOMETHING in the end after all. :)
I have no idea what I'm about to write but it always ends up as SOMETHING in the end....
I missed church last week. That really set my week off bad. I didn't have that relaxing break before starting my work week again. I made sure to get there today. So happy that I did.
Nichova isn't an emotional woman. I've got great control over myself 98% of the time. But when I walk through the doors of church those emotional floodgates open. I had a panic attack in church one Sabbath because of this. I cannot deal with not being in control of me.
Thursday was a not too great of a day so after happy hour with coworkers I was on my way home and I randomly decided to swing into church. I've never done that. Walked in the door and IMMEDIATELY my posture relaxed and I felt safe. Like what was outside those doors couldn't get to me anymore. I was sheltered. I smiled.
Men's Bible Study was going on and they told me to come in and join the discussion. I did. And I was blessed. Like a spiritual B12 shot. The topic was heated. I was in a serious debate but it was still cool. When we were done having it out we all held hands and prayed and joked as we left. I drove away feeling relief. That is what I love most about being a Christian....the warmth of my church family. They give the best hugs and know just when you need them.
Friday was a regular day. I woke up and felt like I would have a good day. And in general I did. My coworker had her baby shower so I spent most of my work day buying gifts and wrapping things and taking pictures and eating cake. Hard job but someone had to do it :)
But THANK GOD for Sabbath. I don't know what I would do without this gift. I walked in those doors again and felt like I could be me again.....the person I always suppress because it's easier to fit in with what's out there than to be different....than to be spiritual and confident.
Good ole' Pastor made me cry in the pew today. Yes Nichova let it out today! And I feel so much better. I bought my own copy of the sermon on CD so I can hear it again and share it with people that have gone through what I have.
I guess it wasn't Pastor that made me cry but God through Pastor. I often feel like the sermons are speaking to me but today it was as if no one was in the sanctuary but me and God. I said some prayers and asked some questions just prior to going to church and the ENTIRE sermon DIRECTLY answered my question and went one step further...gave me directions on how to deal with my issues.
It was humbling. The same God that created the universe felt I was special enough to send a message to me. I know I sound crazy to most but I think this happens to everyone at least once...when it happens to you you'll know what I mean. It's awesome.
I suppose after the crazy week I've had I should be writing about those escapades but interestingly enough what impressed me about my week were the moments in church that I faced myself and my life and my choices and I cried. I set myself free.
Guess I had this whole thing backwards. Being a tough girl was counter productive. That's why even my body would revolt when I went to church. I needed to become weak so He could make me strong.
Now I really feel strong. Because it's not like the battle is over. It'll only get worse. Daily I'll be bombarded with temptations and evil and occasionally I'll fall but I'll keep getting back up.
The devil never gives up so I can't either.
The more I align myself with Jesus the more my life will be a struggle just like his was. I welcome the struggle cause I realized this week that I'm not alone. There are thousands just like me.
hmmm.....ended up being SOMETHING in the end after all. :)
Friday, June 6, 2008
Michael Jackson is STILL THAT DUDE!
I LOVE driving to work on Fridays. All the stations play the BEST music. Russ Parr has the wrong songs, DJ dirty elbows has his 'mix' and Steve Harvey has the music war thing. Today was GREAT.
Steve Harvey was doing only Prince and Michael Jackson music.
So I'm driving and Steve's Michael Jackson choice was 'JAM!!!'. OMG. I was a wreck on Twinbrook Parkway. Have you ever heard the first beat of a song and your knee caps started tingling and you just HAD to dance. I swear I was a'poppin and a'lockin so damn hard I almost hurt myself. (I tend to revert into 80s dances when 80s music comes on)
Michael really is the MAN. I forgot. We cannot let his goulish face prejudice us from the truth. He is still THAT DUDE. The song took me BACK.
Today I shall only play Michael Jackson at my desk. I don't wanna hear nothing but him all day. That's how good I felt this morning.
When the song was done I let out that loud and ignant 'WHEW!'. lol. It was serious in the truck this morning. Alot was going on. Truly a wild scene.
My suggestions to all: If you are driving on a Friday morning listen to the music mixes during the 8 o'clock hour to get your day started right.
:)
Steve Harvey was doing only Prince and Michael Jackson music.
So I'm driving and Steve's Michael Jackson choice was 'JAM!!!'. OMG. I was a wreck on Twinbrook Parkway. Have you ever heard the first beat of a song and your knee caps started tingling and you just HAD to dance. I swear I was a'poppin and a'lockin so damn hard I almost hurt myself. (I tend to revert into 80s dances when 80s music comes on)
Michael really is the MAN. I forgot. We cannot let his goulish face prejudice us from the truth. He is still THAT DUDE. The song took me BACK.
Today I shall only play Michael Jackson at my desk. I don't wanna hear nothing but him all day. That's how good I felt this morning.
When the song was done I let out that loud and ignant 'WHEW!'. lol. It was serious in the truck this morning. Alot was going on. Truly a wild scene.
My suggestions to all: If you are driving on a Friday morning listen to the music mixes during the 8 o'clock hour to get your day started right.
:)
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Zen
I need another retreat. lol. I just went to one for Memorial Day weekend but I really need a serious week long retreat to nowhere. I need to sit in somebody's meadow and crack my toes and scratch my scalp.
I was at work last night until 10pm. Yes 10PM!!! I worked for 14hrs straight....no lunch break.
Then I went home and finished up some spreadsheets due today on my personal laptop. I got in and IMMEDIATELY got to work because my deadline was 10am. As soon as I printed them and handed them off (at 9:47am) the power to the bldg shut off. We are running on the back up generators now. I had a few emergencies to take care of and before I realized it 12:45pm was staring me in the face. I had NO breakfast. Not even a drink of water.
I went to lunch just to get outa the office. I needed to see the sky. I forgot what daylight looks like.
I cannot let myself be so busy that I rebuild my stress. I think I wrote a blog about this already but so what. It's true. Stress is just so dangerous. But I have found that my mood is still cheerful when I'm stressed so I'm making progress.
The most relaxing thing I did this week was take myself to dinner and read a book until I was contented. I used to curl up with good books all the time in high school. By the time college came around I was reading so many textbooks that I didn't read anything for pure fun. I want my old habit back. It was my world away from the world.
Last fall I would go for 20min jogs in the morning outside. Now that was actually relaxing. I always had a good day when I started it with that. Fall and Spring weather are perfect for this.
Whatever it is that gets you into your Zen mode please find time to get there every single day. It can add years to your life.
I was at work last night until 10pm. Yes 10PM!!! I worked for 14hrs straight....no lunch break.
Then I went home and finished up some spreadsheets due today on my personal laptop. I got in and IMMEDIATELY got to work because my deadline was 10am. As soon as I printed them and handed them off (at 9:47am) the power to the bldg shut off. We are running on the back up generators now. I had a few emergencies to take care of and before I realized it 12:45pm was staring me in the face. I had NO breakfast. Not even a drink of water.
I went to lunch just to get outa the office. I needed to see the sky. I forgot what daylight looks like.
I cannot let myself be so busy that I rebuild my stress. I think I wrote a blog about this already but so what. It's true. Stress is just so dangerous. But I have found that my mood is still cheerful when I'm stressed so I'm making progress.
The most relaxing thing I did this week was take myself to dinner and read a book until I was contented. I used to curl up with good books all the time in high school. By the time college came around I was reading so many textbooks that I didn't read anything for pure fun. I want my old habit back. It was my world away from the world.
Last fall I would go for 20min jogs in the morning outside. Now that was actually relaxing. I always had a good day when I started it with that. Fall and Spring weather are perfect for this.
Whatever it is that gets you into your Zen mode please find time to get there every single day. It can add years to your life.
Straight bashing
Yes. I will write on this topic hopefully only once for the sake of all those who might not understand Nichova on the very sensitive issue of homosexuality.
Nichova does not approve. But so what?! Who the hell cares?! I certainly don't care who approves of me outside of God. The problem is that I am not passive about my beliefs. If asked I share them passionately. That's just me. (you should get into it with me on politics for a preview....)
I think homosexuality is wrong on so so many levels but that is my belief and I don't force it on anyone. Nor do I judge and label people based on their sexuality. Folks can be gay as they wanna be and still be my friend as long the lifestyle isn't something I have to stomach on a detailed level. Isn't that fair?
I think people simply don't understand the strides many people like me have made to be tolerant. Once again, tolerate not accept. One thing I've learned through my spiritual growth is to learn how to love people through friendship. Friends don't have to agree on things but they can still love each other.
Just like how I think cursing and fornication and drinking alcohol is bad yet all my friends do it. No one gets pissed at me for saying I don't agree with drinking. No one accuses me of hating all alcoholics just cause I think drinking is wrong. Yet because I think homosexuality is wrong that means I hate gay people?! I don't get the logic. I really dont.
Nichova has boundaries in her life. I have a value system and a belief system set up for ME and the family I hope to have one day. Those systems cannot be regulated by the outside world. I don't care what the world thinks is ok, that doesn't dictate what I think is ok based on my relationship with God. As that relationship grows those systems also evolve. But I have reinforced those boundaries and until I get the world from God they simply not gonna move.....I don't care what laws are past.
I like all people. Respect all people. Can be friends with all people because we are all the same. We are all sinners and pretty much losers when compared to the universe. My issues are just as bad as homosexuality so why would I judge?
Maybe I'll call it straight bashing. That's what it feels like. Just cause you don't agree with it means you're ignorant? Since when? I have an actual set of reasons why I don't agree. Ignorance is holding to your stance without educated reasoning behind it.
I thank God for the strength He has given me to stand firm on certain things. Every day I have to wake up and tell myself not to do certain things so that one day the right things become my norm. It wasn't always the norm to speak up and say the difficult things.....now it almost is. :)
Nichova does not approve. But so what?! Who the hell cares?! I certainly don't care who approves of me outside of God. The problem is that I am not passive about my beliefs. If asked I share them passionately. That's just me. (you should get into it with me on politics for a preview....)
I think homosexuality is wrong on so so many levels but that is my belief and I don't force it on anyone. Nor do I judge and label people based on their sexuality. Folks can be gay as they wanna be and still be my friend as long the lifestyle isn't something I have to stomach on a detailed level. Isn't that fair?
I think people simply don't understand the strides many people like me have made to be tolerant. Once again, tolerate not accept. One thing I've learned through my spiritual growth is to learn how to love people through friendship. Friends don't have to agree on things but they can still love each other.
Just like how I think cursing and fornication and drinking alcohol is bad yet all my friends do it. No one gets pissed at me for saying I don't agree with drinking. No one accuses me of hating all alcoholics just cause I think drinking is wrong. Yet because I think homosexuality is wrong that means I hate gay people?! I don't get the logic. I really dont.
Nichova has boundaries in her life. I have a value system and a belief system set up for ME and the family I hope to have one day. Those systems cannot be regulated by the outside world. I don't care what the world thinks is ok, that doesn't dictate what I think is ok based on my relationship with God. As that relationship grows those systems also evolve. But I have reinforced those boundaries and until I get the world from God they simply not gonna move.....I don't care what laws are past.
I like all people. Respect all people. Can be friends with all people because we are all the same. We are all sinners and pretty much losers when compared to the universe. My issues are just as bad as homosexuality so why would I judge?
Maybe I'll call it straight bashing. That's what it feels like. Just cause you don't agree with it means you're ignorant? Since when? I have an actual set of reasons why I don't agree. Ignorance is holding to your stance without educated reasoning behind it.
I thank God for the strength He has given me to stand firm on certain things. Every day I have to wake up and tell myself not to do certain things so that one day the right things become my norm. It wasn't always the norm to speak up and say the difficult things.....now it almost is. :)
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Family?!
:( I'm currently having a conversation with my buddy that saddens me. We're pretty much the same age and we'd both like to have children before we're 30. Doesn't seem likely anymore. This is why..
I think the devil has launched a very sophisticated attack against the family unit. The family used to be the backbone of morality and structure and even love. Nobody has a family anymore.
You need men to have a family. We already out number them. The remaining ones are either in jail, they're gay, or they won't get a job or they won't settle down because women are so desperate.
Decent girls like me will probably never get married; I've almost accepted this fact. There simply aren't that many decent men in the world. The ones that are decent can now be extra-ordinarily picky even though they themselves aren't attractive because they have soooo many to chose from. And I am NOT about to put on a show for some guy.
Everybody's baby is out of wedlock. Men are having babies in different zip codes. Gay people claiming to be a family unit these days. Two moms and two dads. It's getting ridiculous. Even if you got two moms you still got a dad SOMEWHERE. And vice versa. I'm sick of the new age rules. Can we please go back to basics! Mommy and Daddy make love and make a damn baby. They raise the damn baby in THEIR home. PERIOD.
This craziness that we now accept as the norm is infecting us like a nasty virus. The devil is certainly doing a great job of destroying one of God's perfect designs on earth.
I even found myself wanting to have a baby with my buddy if I'm unmarried at 35. This is what it has come to! Contracting friends to father your children! Shame Shame Shame.
I guess I'll either have to adopt or wait till I'm like 40 and take some medication to make me a baby when/if men are done with their drama. Being a good woman feels like some sort of punishment now.
Sorry girls....something else we gotta suffer though.
I think the devil has launched a very sophisticated attack against the family unit. The family used to be the backbone of morality and structure and even love. Nobody has a family anymore.
You need men to have a family. We already out number them. The remaining ones are either in jail, they're gay, or they won't get a job or they won't settle down because women are so desperate.
Decent girls like me will probably never get married; I've almost accepted this fact. There simply aren't that many decent men in the world. The ones that are decent can now be extra-ordinarily picky even though they themselves aren't attractive because they have soooo many to chose from. And I am NOT about to put on a show for some guy.
Everybody's baby is out of wedlock. Men are having babies in different zip codes. Gay people claiming to be a family unit these days. Two moms and two dads. It's getting ridiculous. Even if you got two moms you still got a dad SOMEWHERE. And vice versa. I'm sick of the new age rules. Can we please go back to basics! Mommy and Daddy make love and make a damn baby. They raise the damn baby in THEIR home. PERIOD.
This craziness that we now accept as the norm is infecting us like a nasty virus. The devil is certainly doing a great job of destroying one of God's perfect designs on earth.
I even found myself wanting to have a baby with my buddy if I'm unmarried at 35. This is what it has come to! Contracting friends to father your children! Shame Shame Shame.
I guess I'll either have to adopt or wait till I'm like 40 and take some medication to make me a baby when/if men are done with their drama. Being a good woman feels like some sort of punishment now.
Sorry girls....something else we gotta suffer though.
Willpower, I think not!!!
I can't take it no more!!!! FOOD IS KILLING ME!!
I been steadily losing weight until a few weeks ago when the spring weather hit. I cannot get away from food! There is a cook out or pool party or something CONSTANTLY. What the heck. This is precisely why I wanted to lose all the weight before summer cause I knew what would happen.
For example, this is what's about to happen to me in just the upcoming days:
Today: breakfast social at work, evening social at church....delicious foods at both occasions.
Thursday: Happy hour at Fridays for a co-worker's last day.....Spinach dip and Jack Daniels wings!
Friday: Baby shower at work for coworker....they have ordered Famous Dave's for this event!
Saturday: Sabbath lunch, friend's bday party that evening. There will be a macaroni pie involved somewhere on that day.
Sunday: Kings Dominion. Yes I'll be walking but you know you can't bring food in there. I'll end up eating a pizza most likely and ice cream and funnel cake on the way out!
And honestly, this is how it has been for all of May and now it's moving into June. The only way that I can combat this is to really work it out in the gym. I'm gonna have to become radical with the workouts. I've brought a set of gym clothes to work so I can jog on my lunch break.
At least I'm not gaining weight. But the whole point was to lose.
And please, I don't want nobody leaving comments on here about willpower. Take that crap somewhere else. Willpower is for losers. I like to eat tasty treats. I don't gorge myself but I just don't believe in being unhappy at social events. If there is a party and I'm hungry I'm gonna eat what they've provided as sustenance. Thank you.
Nichova
I been steadily losing weight until a few weeks ago when the spring weather hit. I cannot get away from food! There is a cook out or pool party or something CONSTANTLY. What the heck. This is precisely why I wanted to lose all the weight before summer cause I knew what would happen.
For example, this is what's about to happen to me in just the upcoming days:
Today: breakfast social at work, evening social at church....delicious foods at both occasions.
Thursday: Happy hour at Fridays for a co-worker's last day.....Spinach dip and Jack Daniels wings!
Friday: Baby shower at work for coworker....they have ordered Famous Dave's for this event!
Saturday: Sabbath lunch, friend's bday party that evening. There will be a macaroni pie involved somewhere on that day.
Sunday: Kings Dominion. Yes I'll be walking but you know you can't bring food in there. I'll end up eating a pizza most likely and ice cream and funnel cake on the way out!
And honestly, this is how it has been for all of May and now it's moving into June. The only way that I can combat this is to really work it out in the gym. I'm gonna have to become radical with the workouts. I've brought a set of gym clothes to work so I can jog on my lunch break.
At least I'm not gaining weight. But the whole point was to lose.
And please, I don't want nobody leaving comments on here about willpower. Take that crap somewhere else. Willpower is for losers. I like to eat tasty treats. I don't gorge myself but I just don't believe in being unhappy at social events. If there is a party and I'm hungry I'm gonna eat what they've provided as sustenance. Thank you.
Nichova
Monday, June 2, 2008
Happy but Tense
Happy Monday!!!
I'm chipper today! Well rested.
Today I'd like to talk about sex and the lack of it in my life.
Yes there is HUGE lack of sex in my life and I am VERY happy about that. Here is why:
1. Herpes - who gets herpes?!?!?! Not Nichova I'll tell you that much. How the hell..... People don't seem to realize that you can get herpes from protected sex. Condoms don't help you with that one. The surrounding fluids that touch your skin are just as bad. And homeboy doesn't have to have an outbreak. Everything could be lookin normal down there and next thing you know the doc is in the room tellin you that herpes is coursing through your veins. HELLZ NO!!!!
2. HIV - DUH!! But condoms do help with this so I can understand why you guys think you are safe. But how about the African American women between the ages of 18-25 that have the highest rate of contracting this?! And do you know why?! Them dirty down-low brothas!. And you can be down low with a girl or a boy. Either way you nasty and you putting my body at risk. Once again, HELLZ NO!!!!
3. All other STDs - Ok so the rest of the stuff can probably be cleared up with some medicinal potion in a tube but does that mean I'm gonna let it happen? There isn't a man in the world who is worth repeated exposures to disgusting infections! Most men do not get tested so they don't even know what the hell they've got. Constant infections can lead to infertility. So, HELLZ NO!!!
4. Unwanted pregnancy - Ummm. Right. No can do. I'm not even gonna lie. I've gotten carried away quite a few times in my young life and it's nothing but God's mercy that saved me from not having a baby at a young age. I was WRONG. I just shake my head in silence when I think about it. I cannot let that happen. And since I don't believe in pumping regulating medication into my body daily, any sex would mean a possible pregnancy. I'm simply not ready to properly provide ALL of the needs of another human being. It's about way more than money.
5. God - Last but certainly not least. I can't be ignoring God's advice for how I should be living my life. Every single thing He has asked that we do is so that we can have the best life ever. If women maintained their virtue and waited for a hubby to open their.... I think the world would be a safer place. lol. No really I do. God has asked that we don't fornicate. And I wonder why?! Is it so that we can avoid 1-4 above?! So yes, out of respect for God's wisdom I shall keep it under locks till a man is worthy to be called my husband.
That's it for today. I just wanted to tell everyone that I am VERY happy that I have absolutely no sex life. Lil tense though...
Nichova
I'm chipper today! Well rested.
Today I'd like to talk about sex and the lack of it in my life.
Yes there is HUGE lack of sex in my life and I am VERY happy about that. Here is why:
1. Herpes - who gets herpes?!?!?! Not Nichova I'll tell you that much. How the hell..... People don't seem to realize that you can get herpes from protected sex. Condoms don't help you with that one. The surrounding fluids that touch your skin are just as bad. And homeboy doesn't have to have an outbreak. Everything could be lookin normal down there and next thing you know the doc is in the room tellin you that herpes is coursing through your veins. HELLZ NO!!!!
2. HIV - DUH!! But condoms do help with this so I can understand why you guys think you are safe. But how about the African American women between the ages of 18-25 that have the highest rate of contracting this?! And do you know why?! Them dirty down-low brothas!. And you can be down low with a girl or a boy. Either way you nasty and you putting my body at risk. Once again, HELLZ NO!!!!
3. All other STDs - Ok so the rest of the stuff can probably be cleared up with some medicinal potion in a tube but does that mean I'm gonna let it happen? There isn't a man in the world who is worth repeated exposures to disgusting infections! Most men do not get tested so they don't even know what the hell they've got. Constant infections can lead to infertility. So, HELLZ NO!!!
4. Unwanted pregnancy - Ummm. Right. No can do. I'm not even gonna lie. I've gotten carried away quite a few times in my young life and it's nothing but God's mercy that saved me from not having a baby at a young age. I was WRONG. I just shake my head in silence when I think about it. I cannot let that happen. And since I don't believe in pumping regulating medication into my body daily, any sex would mean a possible pregnancy. I'm simply not ready to properly provide ALL of the needs of another human being. It's about way more than money.
5. God - Last but certainly not least. I can't be ignoring God's advice for how I should be living my life. Every single thing He has asked that we do is so that we can have the best life ever. If women maintained their virtue and waited for a hubby to open their.... I think the world would be a safer place. lol. No really I do. God has asked that we don't fornicate. And I wonder why?! Is it so that we can avoid 1-4 above?! So yes, out of respect for God's wisdom I shall keep it under locks till a man is worthy to be called my husband.
That's it for today. I just wanted to tell everyone that I am VERY happy that I have absolutely no sex life. Lil tense though...
Nichova
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