Unbelievable! It is almost 3pm and I am JUST sitting down to do some work at my desk. Since yesterday it has been a slew of meetings. How in the world can they expect me to get any work done if I keep having to attend these meeting about work?! Meanwhile, my To-Do List seems to grow exponentially each day.
Exhale........slow inhale.............it's just a job......must remember that this is NOT my life.
Aight my head is clear.....
I first want to say that I enjoy my biweekly dates with my buddy Choward. The conversations are quite enlightening. Per our discussion, today's topic is 'My Inner Circle".
So I have an inner circle. These are people that are close to me; my family and friends. And not just any family or friends....but special ones. They have shown over the years that they don't want to be in my life only when it is convenient for them. They are willing to have those tough discussions with me and I value their opinion. Most of the people in my inner circle I've known for about 8yrs or more. Remember, it's a small circle so not many people can fit. No more than 10.
I think it's ok to have alot of acquaintances but it's not ok to have alot of friends. Not everyone has to be your friend! Why do we feel like we must be cool with everyone all the time. Most people are quite draining on the psyche over time. I can say that 98% of the people I considered really good friends in college had NO BUSINESS gaining access to my inner circle. The integrity of my circle was certainly compromised. But all has been restored since.
Furthermore, you can tell alot about a person's character based on who is in their inner circle. For example, if I notice alot of 'lower element' individuals in someone's inner circle, even if they don't carry themselves that way it shows that they don't see themselves as deserving of a better caliber of people to surround themselves with. These are the people they would potentially turn to for advice. If a young lady is allowing some trifling man to be in her life it shows the value she has for herself. She doesn't feel she is deserving of better so he remains.
Your inner circle is simply an outward projection of your true feelings about yourself. Am I making sense? As an exercise I think everyone should sit down and list out the folks closest to them. Then evaluate these people's character. Do they reflect the character you hope to embody or do they fall far short? If it is the latter, why are they still all up in your circle. Kindly escort them to your outer circle of acquaintances.
But recognize that you are the problem and not them. It parallels self-esteem. Spend some time with yourself (discovering what has hurt you caused you to see yourself as less that exceptional). Keep going until you are completely in love with the person you were created to be. Then the friends you chose will compliment that which is inside. You'll notice that not many can make it in your circle but the ones that do are quality and there to stay.
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11 comments:
I'd like to think I'm in your inner circle, but according to you I don't shave my pits....uh oh...what must that say about you?
LOL. Ok so I approved your comment but don't push it. If you read my "Women Shave Your Legs" blog you will see that in the first paragragh I stated that my sister does none of these things. Is there something you are trying to let me know?....
Yes you are in the inner circle but that will be evaluated if you it turns out you do not shave your pits.
I appreciate the shot out, I love our dates as well. Maybe we should seriously start collaborating on a book or something?
Your sooo dramatic "Exahle...slow inhale", lol. Hillarious.
But on a more serious note, you know I totally agree! I did a blog on this myself a week ago I believe. If everyone is your friend...there might be an issue.
However in my blog post I did overlook what you said about your "inner circle" being a reflection of yourself.
Very very nice point.
I dont think one should be evaluated on the company they keep. (this phrase has represented bull since I've been hearing it) I have a lot of people I consider friends...and they are all friends for different reasons...some people are hang out buddies and are fun to have at social events, but not so great to have as advisors. Some are better advisors but not so fun to have at parties. others are great when you wanna go to the bar for a drink after a long day and will draw interesting(not neccessarily people you want to ever talk to again) into the conversation and a good time will be had by all...but some of these folks have some tendencies that I dont neccessarily agree with. Some friends are good to have just to veg out around the house with and just sit and have mindless conversations where as others always wanna go out to the club. Which is fine sometimes but you dont always wanna get dressed to have a good time. My point is my group of friends is very diverse and if I chose to I have at least one friend for every single minute of my time. I clearly dont divulge my deepest darkest secrets or problems to all and I guess my advisors are those that I consider my "inner circle" or best friends...but i value everyone's opinion even if i just have to take it with a grain of salt or ignore it. but it's nice to have all angles on a situatio that i'm dealing with. I havent always been as social as I have become since my senior year of high school and I love the person I've become. with my million friends(some of which others have referred to as the lower element but that is easily written off as they dont even really kno the person)...but hey everyone is entitled to their opinion i just dont let it affect mine. Ur right we agree on very little...
Ok so Ts comment lends me to further lend credence to my blog. I simply do not need a million people for a million things. The people in my inner circle are all different and have different personalities. They are quite capable and I go to them for different things. And I too can have someone to talk too all the time within my group of inner circle friends. I don't need 50 randoms just floating around me all the time. I have an outer circle and not even that circle has so many. There are criteria for that circle as well. We can be cool but if at some point I notice that all I can ever do with you is party then honestly that's not even a friendship. Friends share things about themselves. They talk when times are good and bad. It's not about being social it's about a level of intimacy. If a person has a million people in their life it is impossible to have anyone that is really truly close to you. There isn't enough time to form that deeper relationship. I am not going to spread myself thin. My time and my attention is too valuable. Not everyone should be privy to me. Knowing me is a gift. I strive for depth and meaning in all interactions. And a good part of it might be that I'm done with the drinking and partying. I don't even equate those activities with fun. I feel drained afterward. I'm trying to have life experiences at this point. I'm thinking alot more and I want people around me that are doing the same. I'm done with casualness.
I can't agree more Nichova!!
You should be striving for depth in all interactions...otherwise whats the point.
I think the issue at hand here is the definition between a friend and an associate. Friends are meant to be close associations and you should value that person and them you in some way. Or at least I think.
Although I'm not trying to start a blog war...I had to comment on T's take on....
"I have at least one friend for every single minute of my time".
Don't you think thats a problem? The fact that you've built up what you call "friendships" for the sole purpose of filling your "minute" of the day. If I were your friend I'd be honestly offended.
yeah i'm still a party/frat boy at heart ;-) I dont think that part of me will ever die. I like it tho not sure if i want to ever be out of the mix.
Well I understand where T is coming from and I do agree that everyone has certain friends that they do certain things with..."I like you b/c you make a good friend to go out partyin' with" or but I wouldn't ask that person to go to a play with me. It all depends on how the situation is looked at. I don't like this inner circle idea since it's not acutally a circle. It's more of the best friends that you have. In reality you have more "friends" that you really want believe it or not... and to me I decided to rank everyone. Co-Owners /Presidents (recently replaced with VP)/ Vice- Presidents/ Executives/Associated/ employment line....
Now regardless of where you are I keep in touch with you atleast once a year. But the higher you get the more trust and dependable you become and thus enter the "Inner Circle"... Unless the inner circle is a group of friends what we use to call in 2002 as the Clic (sic). Their just friends and nothing more. Your inner circle idea, which i am saying isn't bad but the definition seems to be swayed. Remember the time when you got pissed at someone in your inner circle? Didn't you kick them out for a while? Well being the Inner circle you should have kept them in... worked it out... or just not brought them back.
You learn alot by valuing opinion's of those you know; you don't become any brighter by rejecting opinions from those you don't.
By Night M. Devil
In your case this author is comparing your inner circle of friends to those who are still your friends and not able to make the cut
Although T threw me off topic... No... My inner circle does not comprise of people which reflect my personal beliefs, views, True feelings etc etc.
It is done by personality...
Your inner circle should be what makes you, you... they necessarily don't have to be exactly or similar to what you believe to be reflective of you. This is why everyone's different. "Its me for 2008" Not "My Inner circle and Me" we/I don't have time for that. You should have your friends that make you happy, the associated that make you feel good, the ones who will listen, but not the ones you love.
Your Circle is turned into a line item or shooting wall, where you go to them when you feel you need something or when its "convenient" for you. So essentially you have just turned things around. You call upon them when you need something, such as opinions, physical, or comfort... is the return the same. Are you willing to compromise and respond to thier needs when need be? If so then that turns into a bartering system. Why not do it to do it? Because you enjoy their company. You may have a few now but by your definition of Inner Circle... and took what I just tried to explain... you wouldn't have so many as you claim.
Disclaimer: I don't represent the correctness or editing of this comment or others... i just write words when they come to my head
Lol. There is ALOT going on here with this blog topic. I can't even sift through it all. I will just say that I believe in my inner circle. I think it's great. I don't expect folk to agree with or even understand all that I believe in. My inner circle doesn't even have to agree but as long as you are lookin deeply and believe in SOMETHING that makes some sense it's ok. There is NO ONE like me so ofcourse my inner circle isn't made up of people who simply agree with me. They are just people of great decency I cannot get into how I deal with inner circle friends that upset me. It happens all the time and there is a tried and proven method for deciding if they can remain or if they must be escorted to the outer. I'm pleased with the results so far. But since I keep such a tight circle this rarely has to happen.
Big ups! to my inner circle peeps. LOL.
Lol...mad at the inner circle shoutout! do we get tshirts or somethin?
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