Rape and Divorce

Strong title huh? Well it's a serious topic.

I've been raped and I've been divorced several times, but not in the traditional ways.

My rapes:
I've had about 4 real boyfriends in my life. My definition of a real boyfriend is someone I've dated for more than 6 months (that's when the really real starts). I discovered that I've been raped by 3 out of the 4. Here is what I mean by rape: I 100% believe that when you lie to a person, withhold information, misrepresent yourself in anyway that you KNOW will result in the end of a relationship, each time you lay with that person you are committing an act of rape. That person wouldn't be willing to give themselves to you had you not deceived them. If a man cheats on his woman then returns to her and lays with her.... he has raped her. He has taken away her choice by withholding that information.

Not all of the information has to be about cheating...s/he could have lied about having a job, school, family.... whatever.... If that information might have determined if you would have stayed in the relationship, that is all rape to me.

My divorces:
I've been divorced twice. At the time I could honestly say that I loved them with all that I had in me. When those relationships ended they had the same emotional impact on me as a divorce. It was a prolonged depression that followed. Food aint taste right. Part of me died forever. The second one might as well have been a real divorce because we had assets to divide. lol. But honestly, what I'm saying is real. I have been divorced and it literally took years to recover.

I wonder....how many of us have been raped? How many divorced? You're heart doesn't know that you didn't get a marriage certificate. He might not have held you down but he still took it from you. The physical trauma might be less but the emotional is still the same. The violation is very real. Imagine that by the time many of us reach the alter we've been raped and divorced several times!

Time heals but not all wounds. These types of scars must be tended to in a special way. I had to take ownership for mine and stop blaming my rapists and ex-husbands. I handed my fragile heart to them and just let em do whatever. They didn't deserve that gift yet. I didn't make them prove that they could take care of it. What else could I expect? Humans don't appreciate things they didn't have to earn.

I've gotten to the point where I rarely blame anyone but myself for the things that happen to me. If I listen to my intuition and consult God for guidance first I can avoid most of it. But I'm hard headed you see. It took three rapes and two divorces for me to get it finally.

Your virtue as a woman protects you from these emotional crimes. Protecting your treasures is the best way to avoid the trauma but if you don't even realize you've got treasures then you won't protect them. Most women don't even know what they have.

I know what I have.... :)