Ok I just finished the previous blog and I feel impressed to write another. I am doing no work today.
So I know quite a few people dealing with cheating 'mates'. Not like in a marriage or anything, just the regular relationship. It really hurts my heart to see this happening. People are mixing themselves up in relationships that mimic marriage but really aren't. Girls especially. All it takes is for that man to call you 'wifey' and you cooking him dinner and hand-washing his boxers. Shouldn't it take more than that for you to start performing wifey duties....like being a real WIFE. Stop giving folks access to all you are before they make some sort of serious serious commitment to you. If you aint a wife stop acting like one! You're gonna get hurt badly.
People that live together make this mistake alot. I lived with a boyfriend before and I felt like I was supposed to be cooking dinner and he should be taking out trash and all that. But let's be real. That's wasn't my husband! People get all confused. You are only dating this individual. So when the relationship ends...and most do, you end up having to divide up not only possessions but your emotions; far more than you would have otherwise.
I'd also like for someone to explain to me how it is you can forgive a cheating mate? I could NEVER. I don't care if I have 50kids with the man I am LEAVING. I don't know how you can forgive even the suspicion of cheating. If the man allowed a situation to occur that gives off the impression of cheating I'm LEAVING. Maybe cause I'm just super loyal so I expect the same. I cannot comprehend how women are internalizing this and forgiving. No way in the world. Someone please tell me how this is done. Please. Are yall not feeling? Is self-esteem that distant. Self-respect? How do you sleep with that individual ever again. I wouldn't let the man breathe in my direction. And I sure wouldn't let my children see that I am a pushover with no limits to the disrespect I'll tolerate. I won't tolerate none. None atall.
No need to waste 5yrs of your youth on loser after loser, or just one big loser the whole time. We don't get any of our time back. And it speaks to your self-image when you stay despite that gut feeling. I didn't really like myself that much during those relationships. I would always gain like 20-30lbs and end up having to work it off when I finally got out. Like I am doing right now.
Now that I am cool with me again I just don't understand how I justified those relationships to myself. It was so ridiculous. Such a waste of energy and RESOURCES.
And when the relationship ends please just cry it out. But accept your blame. There is always partial blame. The cheater might be a jerk but you picked em. That person didn't just wake up and become a cheater. Something rang an alarm in your head long before and you ignored it. So yes be mad at em but equally be upset with yourself.
Time for accountability people.
Avoid the unnecessary pain.
About Me
- NicHova
- My name is Nicole but everyone that knows me calls me Nichova. I was given the name years ago and it just stuck with me. I'm 26 (whoa how did I get to 26 already). I figure people that read my blog will learn about me that way. I'm a pretty happy person. I laugh ALOT. I think I'll be a kid forever.
7 comments:
Girl, let me tell you as a spectator on other peoples relationships, I too encounter the same thoughts and am left quizzed or likewise dumb founded. It has always been said that it is easier said then done and I'm one of the proud that refuses to accept that will ever be me. That is why love is so complicated. I do however pray that women who are in any type of abusive relationship open up their eyes and find the strength through God to leave those types of situations. For the ones who forgive the cheaters its more of a everyone deserves at least a 2nd chance to see if that person can change that about themselves b/c we as innocent creatures always want to believe that most of us can change. Not everyone is the same and not everyone feels or thinks the same way. Shoot, I know of people that have stayed with cheaters after the 3rd strike, which is one too many strikes in my opinion. But eventually people learn from their mistakes and hopefully they take that with them in their next relationship. Which hopefully will not be a patterned one or they will at least see the warning signs to a good for nothing man. I just realized very recently that I am over the hurt. I was hurting for a LONG time but through prayer, self reflection and people like you in my life I can finally say that I'm so over it. I can face any of my ex's and hold my head up high and know that I can run into them with no longer the fear of what feelings might transpire. Its a sense of emotional freedom that I've been waiting a long long time for. Praise the Lord! My advice is to the ladies out there... No need to rush LOVE, it will definitely happen for you but when it's the right time.
maybe i don't have a forgiving heart. betrayal is just the WORST thing ever for me. and the ultimate betrayal for me would be adultery. vows are sooo serious to me. i'm adding an adultery clause to my vows in case there is any confusion about my expectations.
Damn..that a nice one. Accountability. I like it.
Lets face it cheating is out the question so I won’t even comment on that aspect but I will say that you should test the waters before you decide to dive in it… call me indecisive or what but I want to know what’s going to change before I get married. If the woman is going to cook and clean then I want to see it before I sign any papers. Because if its my expectations that its going to happen and it doesn’t then clearly that’s a false truth. But as for cheating… there is no reason… but I know people who forgive because they have no way out… no way to prosper without the support (typically financial) of their man. Should be a note to all women… don’t get into a situation where you can’t just jump out.
Good point. No way will I be financially dependent on a man. In love or not. I aint dumb. My daddy told me what countries are best for my hidden bank account.
why can I sooooooooo believe that he really told you that! lol
cause you've had the priviledge of meeting Mr. Dujon
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