Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Pee on my lawn?

If you had a house and your neighbor kept peeing on your lawn what would u do? Would you let it continue un-addressed and just be depressed about your discolored yard? Would you create a cozy path your neighbor could use to easily access your lawn so he could pee on it? Would you build a fence to protect your yard? Or would you confront your neighbor and make it clear that that behavior simply won't be tolerated?

Silly suggestions right? Most of us would just tell the neighbor to stop it and some would build a fence at the most. The other two seem ridiculous. But I wanna know why is it we wouldn't let someone pee on our property but we let people 'pee' all through our lives unchecked or confronted. Some people even help the pee-er pee on the lawn!

I'm reading a book entitled 'Boundaries'. It is a GREAT book. Had I read it years ago I'da saved myself some drama. It's a biblically based book that explains the need to have boundaries and stick to them to not only protect yourself but to protect the relationships that are important to you.

Any time you grudgingly agree to do something you end up secretly resenting the person that asked. All you had to say was no. Your time is YOURS.

Any time you allow a disrespectful behavior in a relationship you are giving that person permission to repeat it. Your silence means it doesn't offend you. Speak up or don't get mad when it continues.

I'll admit that since I've 'changed' I've become impatient with some emotions. lol. My thinking is even more linear than before. Honestly I simply don't care if someone gets a lil offended because I've taken ownership of my time, my surroundings, what I expose my mind to, bla bla bla. It's MY life. Sorry but I've got standards over here.

Allowing yourself to be taken advantage of repeatedly is a sign of low self esteem. These people don't regard themselves enough to require more. So anything goes. Just pee everywhere. If your neighbor just let everyone pee on his lawn you'd assume he didn't care about his lawn. Same thing here. It's really really sad to watch this dynamic in folks' lives.

And if you stay in the 'boundaries' you set up in your relationships it keeps you from carrying someone else's load. It's becoming easier for me to let people deal with their own mess because I can distinguish between a load and a burden. I'll help you carry your burdens but not your loads.

Burdens are excessive loads not meant to be carried by one person, like a death or sudden financial ruin... As a Christian it is my duty to help unburden those around me. If my shoulders aren't enough then it may take many of us to help someone with their burden.

Loads are the daily backpacks we all need to carry. Relationships are loads and we are all responsible for our own. So I'm letting folks carry theirs and I'm worrying about mine. I'll give you advice about how best to carry your load but I WONT carry it for you. Two loads will break my back!

I hope I don't seem selfish but these boundaries protect me and the integrity of my relationships. I maintain my emotional stability and they learn grown strong enough to carry their loads for themselves.

God does this with us. He has made it CLEAR what he will and will not tolerate. God saves us from our burdens but he lets us learn to carry our loads so we can make it through this life. He's got boundaries. If you value yourself you'll have boundaries too.

Do you? Ask yourself, 'what DON'T you allow?'

2 comments:

Maryk6 said...

Damn girl... that was a really good analogy! I loved it. I totally need to keep my boundaries but it gets hard... I feel the same way about LOADS =0)

LudaKhris said...

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