Smallpox, Child Abuse, Wholesomeness

I'm irritated. Some bug bit my leg and it has left a gross bump. It's right about my ankle and it looks like I gots small pox. I take pride in my legs and this is horrifying to me.

So I went to DC for a few hours today to get my Passport renewed. It was a ZOO. I wish I had my camera so I could post the pics for all to see.

Screaming babies, body odor, ashy heels, cussin citizens...lol One guy said he was ashamed to be an American because they wouldn't issue him a passport (he forgot his birth certificate home by the way).

But I do wonder why state and federal offices have to act like they rule the world. They have NO respect for your time and don't care if they are ruining your plans. And not only that, the most ignant/unattractive people work there. It must be a requirement on the application (Ass Holes ONLY).

And it's like they happy to say 'I'm sorry ma'am but you won't be able to make your flight'. Cause they broke and can't afford to go no where but Six Flags. I felt bad for this one white lady. She was tryna get to Europe and they gave her some reason why she'd have to come back tomorrow and she FLIPPED OUT. Apparently she'd been waiting since 8:30AM (she didn't have an appt like Nichova :) The black chick behind the counter didn't so much as bat her eyes whilst this white lady was waving her arms about and yelling. lol. Sorry, you had to be there.

And then I almost snatched this Indian lady's lil son. He was screaming and she wouldn't stop him. And he wasn't a baby, he was about 2. That's old enough to get slapped in your throat. I started to time it. If they didn't call me to get my passport within 3 more minutes I was gonna have to tell the lady to 'Get a handle on your loud ass kid!' And I don't even curse no more but I think I'da done so today. I was imagining myself kicking this 2yr old in the face. He was SOOOO LOUD.

I'm not a child abuser.

And yesterday I went to my cousin's going away party. I had a good ole' time. And there was no drinking, or cussing, or sexual overtones. It was wholesome grown up fun. Felt nice. I didn't stick out like a sore thumb for once.

Random blog today....my apologies.

My sister is a turtle and I'm sooo proud!!!

OH MAN!!! I THINK I MIGHT CRY. My sister got into the school of her choice today.

Praise God!!!

I have watched her anxiety grow since she sent in that application. I was so worried for her that I started to prep her just in case she didn't get in. I was asking her about her alternative plans to reassure her that there would be success regardless.

But God is good and she is faithful.

I am very proud of my sister. The two of us are pretty much doing it all on our own and it's not easy. She's got a full time job and she's been a full time student. She had to become responsible for herself sooner than she should have but she didn't crumble under that pressure.

In this instance I feel like I can completely worry about myself now. I've been concerned about her being self sufficient and I didn't want to leave and go to grad school or something without her situation being secure. I know this burden was hers but I feel a weight off of me. So I guess I'm up to bat.

The world is wide open. The opportunities are endless and dreams are attainable. You just have to work hard even when no end is in site.

She's now a turtle. Does that trump a retriever?

Nichova Warrior Princess

Back to me being/feeling a lil older.

I went out with two of my buddies after work and realized something.....I am too old for drama as well. I've been single and dateless for a year and it has been the most peaceful year of my entire life! I haven't had the boyfriend/girlfriend drama that I'd become accustomed too. Relationship issues are just not cool and I am too old for it.

Nichova is a straight up chick these day. If I like someone I'll just tell them and see how they feel. I dont like rejection but I loathe the head games even more. Who has time for alla that?! We grown as hell!

Don't drop no hints and expect me to pick em up. I'ma notice and peace out. I get annoyed easily with the nonsense. I just feel like at this stage of my life I have been through or seen all there is to see about relationships. Its TOO MUCH. I have promised myself that no matter how nice the guy is and perfect he may seem, if he cannot be straight up and real with me then he needs to LEAVE ME ALONE. I'll just end up snatching his masculinity eventually if he keeps hanging around me.

I'm not Xena/Nichova Warrior Princess or nothing but I do think I am very smart and a strong personality. Not strong as in loud and pushy but strong as in secure and confident. I'm actually pretty quiet and chill and 'to myself' most of the time. It works to my advantage because I like to giggle to myself when people think they are outsmarting me. Men especially. Gotta just leave em alone and let them feel smart sometimes.

I just don't know how this is going to work out. People keeping asking me what I'm going to do once I put myself back on the market. I am very interested to see the type of man that is able to stick it out with me. I already know the type. It'll be the guy that pisses me off cause he calls me out on my *ish and I can't say anything back. I need to be put in my place and I know it. It's the one that says 'come here for a second' (with the head tilt thingy) and I take him seriously and actually go instead of rolling my neck and going the opposite way. Or how about a man that winks at me and I gotta bite my lip to keep myself together. THAT is what Nichova needs but of course is harder to find than the fountain of youth. REAL men.


Oh yes and I want someone spiritual like me. I'm not a big bible thumper. I'm more of a spiritual person. That's what I want to see. When I call he tells me hold on I was praying lemme call you back. Or he was READING A BOOK! WHAT?! Books are so sexy.

So in closing....
1. Nichova is too old for the drama
2. Nichova needs a strong man that can put her in her place
3. Nichova wants a spiritual book reading man
4. Nichova is inlove with Maxwell. I have watched the youtube of that man about 100X. (This wasn't in the blog but I thought I'd share)


Good Day!

The Unbreakable Bond

On my way to work I was listening to 96.3FM and Robin Thicke was on the Steve Harvey Morning Show. I think that man is so sexy btw. If I ever do date a white guy he's gotta be something like that. But he gave his opinion on the Strawberry Letter and I just thought he was profound. Basically he said 'If what you have today is better than what you didn't have yesterday, work on keeping it'. That helps me when I think about forgiving people and moving on. Yes the past is hurtful but if what you have in the present makes you happy you need to just work on moving on.

I think about my exes from time to time and now I can laugh (most of the time). I was PISSED with all of em at some point. When Nichova goes off it's really an ugly scene. I'm not proud to say that my last two relationships required police involvement to end them. All that 'extraness' is not me but I didn't have a choice. Looking back those relationships probably saved my life. The first was bad but I didn't listen so I had to go through the second to really stop my ridiculousness and get back on track. Now I look back at those two and thank them for the roll they've played in my life.

Every single guy I've dated, I've only had 4 real boyfriends in my entire life, has left an imprint on me. I've learned something. Either he turned out to be such a jerk that I know what NOT to look for or I've extracted the good qualities to know what to look for. Every one of them had something good or I wouldn't have been attracted to them. Usually it was humor and good looks.

One has left an undeniable impression on me. To this very day I can't explain why or even how. I think it's a spiritual thing. It's the WORST when you allow your spirit to get all entangled in another person's. When the relationship ends there is simply nothing you can do to break that bond. I am bonded to him for LIFE no matter what I do. I have finally realized this so I'm not fighting it any more. This can only happen to you once in life. Because of this bond I don't think I'll ever be able to repeat that with another person. There will always be 'something' that I haven't given because it lives with another. (I'm going to delete this blog before I find the man I'ma marry lol)

Today's blog is done. I wrote the pieces at different times of day so please overlook the disjointed feeling.

BTW. MAXWELL BABY I LOVE YOU!!!!

I hope everyone saw him on the BET Awards last night. If not http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1LjrMYeuJI
feast upon him in awe.

I'm a tiny fan of his.

Old Fogie Nichova?

Happy Tuesday! :)

I was off yesterday so I am very well rested. I had to go to traffic court.....I won of course.

Today I'm biting off my friend's inspirations (sorry TJ but I can't think of anything else to write about).

I'm feeling like a granny. Not really like an old fogie but I do see that I've aged. I'm not even 26 yet and I would prefer to play Bingo then go to a club. I enjoy Lifetime movies and hot cider. I would preferably be in bed by 10pm nightly. Rap and Club music give me a headache. I listen to 96.3FM and WTOP. My back is always aching. My knees crack occasionally. I find myself telling young people "You'll understand when you are my age". lol Veggies actually aren't so bad. And things are often TOO sweet. I never thought I'd see the day.

When Pastor is preaching I can actually relate. I be in there clapping and 'Amen-ing' and nodding. My life can actually be a lesson for young people. I gots stuff to share.

After my birthday next month I will start to deny my age.

When I picture a great vacation it consists of doing NOTHING. I want to lay on a beach and sleep, get a massage afterwards, sleep some more, snorkel or something, take a nap, go on a nice walk then..... you get the idea.

I don't think anything is wrong with me. I'm not boring. As a matter of fact I think alot about quitting my job and traveling when I've got the funds ready. Yesterday I was thinking about moving to another state just to get a change of scenery. I was thinking to apply to grad school across the country or something. I'm only gonna live once so why stick up in this place? The world is too big to be content in Montgomery County Maryland. I've been thinking about buying a house but I don't feel right putting down roots anywhere yet. I have no idea where I'll settle down. Might be in another country. I'm open to all kinds of things. Anybody feel me? Probably not.

A paradox lives in me. I feel like a granny sometimes but I'm not ready for children yet because I wanna live on my own dime for a little while longer. I wouldn't mind the companionship of a husband but I'd wanna live child free for a few years and explore together. I either feel old or really young; no in betweens with me.

I just want to be happy and experience a surprise here and there in life. I HATE routine. I can't deal with knowing EXACTLY how my week is going to play out. Even if something bad happens at least it wasn't expected. I want SOMETHING.....

Maybe I'm just a restless soul. Always searching and pushing and asking questions. Perhaps I should be an archaeologist like Indiana Jones. I want some great adventures too.

I Am Not My Hair

OMG!! Nichova is 100% Naptural! I am sitting at my desk right now fighting back tears.

So Tameka at the natural hair salon did perfectly. She cut off only the perm parts. She gave me the bomb deep condition and all that. I walked out of the salon feeling great. I smiled all the way home. I took pictures of my hair while I was driving home. I felt FREE.

This morning......

I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach. I went in the shower and condition washed. Put in some moisturizer. Shook it around. It was cute! I put the scarf around the front. Got all dressed and began my new strut out the front door.

I opened the front door and the outside world hit me. I took one step onto the Welcome Mat and I burst into tears. OUT OF NOWHERE. I couldn't do it. I dropped everything and ran to my bathroom to tie my hair up in a scarf. :(

It seems I'm just not ready yet. I have NEVER had short hair. My entire life I've been able to at least have a pony tail. When I decided to go natural my permed hair was really nice. It had grown quite long and I was happy with it. I just had a nagging feeling inside that it wasn't me and I needed to break free from the chemicals.....so I just started avoiding my perms until one day there was a mini fro under there. Then came braids and now I'm 100% naptural.

It's been a little over a year. I guess I thought I should be ready but I'm not. I never realized how important my hair was to me. It's been a part of me for so long. I do wanna cry right now just thinking back on all my cute lil styles over the years. I could always count on my hair to be long and look cute....even if I'd gained weight or my outfit was a mess. Now I don't have my safety net. My security blanket is gone and I feel naked without it.

But....I'm Nichova so I'll be fine. I just need to get used to it. I need baby steps. All the way to work this morning I was telling myself that I'd just get braids for one more year and then I'd be fine. But what if I cry again in a year? This was like an anxiety attack. I was paralyzed.

Lol. I've always hated India Irie's song "I am not my hair"....I felt like she was only saying that cause hers wasn't cute. lol. I was ignant. I see her point. I should feel like me regardless of my hair. I certainly WAS my hair so now I understand that feeling that was in me nagging me to go natural. Freedom was that small voice......

And it makes sense. I've been morphing over the past year. I felt like I was the biggest paradox having a perm and being natural in almost all other ways. I've been making my own natural body products. I'm shopping organic. My final plan is to be vegetarian and not consume animal products. The perm just aint make no sense. This makes more sense. What's right often isn't what's comfortable or what's easiest.

I'm still pretty. I'm still happy. I'm still free. I'm still me. I just look a lil different......

Crazy Weekend.

So I'm gonna write this blog and get it outa the way before my work week gets outa hand once again...

CRAZY CRAZY weekend! My body is all sore.

Thursday - Up until almost 4AM taking my braids out. This was a four day job folks!

Friday - end of my workweek but just the beginning of the weekend madness. I was in Shoppers Food Warehouse until 8pm and I left with a cart load of drinks and things to make drinks. (I shall explain later) My upper body and lower back were throbbing by the end of this day.

Saturday - I was late to church because I simply couldn't get outa my bed. I missed the Children's Choir debut (that really upset me). I went to my friend's home for lunch. Went home to change and head right back to church again.

My mom organized a Gospel/Jazz cafe. I was responsible for all the drinks. And since I'm Nichova I went overboard. I only offered mixed drinks (absent the alcohol of course). They were great though! So great that I was thrown back into my restaurant serving days when over 100 guests ordered their mixed drinks AT THE SAME TIME!!!! :( OH MY GOSH!! I wanted to cry for a split second when the servers (some of the youth of the church) dropped off all their orders in a huge pile in front of me. I spilled club soda all down my shirt and crotch but an hour later I was done! Whew! I don't even remember how I did it. But I have impressed myself. Those who didn't come missed out...

BTW the concert/cafe was incredible. I was blessed even though I was in the back of the room losing my mind.

I didn't leave until after midnight because the church had to be cleaned and set up for the next day's events.

Sunday - I returned at 930AM to assist with the Father's Day brunch. Women were cooking, I was setting up and arranging and whatnot. EXHAUSTED. After serving the men and photographing the program I cleaned up. No easy job. Dishes for days I tell you. Btw, I once again offered an array of drinks. Teas and juices and whatnot.

Went home and took a nap. Washed my hair FINALLY. Went out with sis and Dad. Saw Indiana Jones and went to Macaroni Grill. Got home at almost 11pm. Watched the rest of the NBA finals (I hate the Lakers). Pin curled my hair and fell into a coma.

Monday - TIRED!

My outlook calendar is incredible this summer. I don't know how I'm going to do it all. But honestly I love it all. It's rewarding to serve. I just didn't realize how many muscles you needed to do it.