Emergency!!!

I gotta get the word about this silent killer.

My story:
My job is stressful. I have volunteered myself for a trillion church things. I have BILLS. Not bills but BILLS. I have a deadline for achieving my weight loss. And my family puts an enormous amount of pressure on me for greatness.

So,
I've been under the weather for almost two months now. Various ailments have plagued me. I kept feeling a cold coming on but I fought it off twice in March. Early April I succumbed but it was the superflu that got me. I was laid up in my bed for days. Once that was done I had a lingering cough that just left a few days ago. I had to go to the Emergency Room because the cough was so bad my entire body was in pain from the strain.

I've had some chronic chest pains since February. I ofcourse ignore pain if it's not extreme but Saturday night it got extreme and I once again found myself in the emergency room. So far they can't find anything wrong with me except anemia. I have an appt to see my Internalist Monday.

Scary stuff aint it. I didn't even mention the migraines and extreme fatigue and scoliosis that affects my posture. I sound like a leper :(

But in the hospital I learned something shocking. Almost all of my ailments might be caused by stress!!! I am literally aging myself by allowing stress to actually become a part of my life. I've been under severe stress for so long that I feel like it's normal. When I felt pure peace a few weeks ago I found myself having a panic attack in church.

This is just craziness. All the 'circle' members know that I am focusing on my health (spiritual and physical) but I think it comes down to me just saying 'no'. I cannot be all and do all for all people. I want to help everyone and take care of everything but it's not possible. I get it all done but at the cost of my health?!

I need to learn to just nibble at things instead of taking such huge bites of problems at a time. Every muscle in my body has been engaged and it even hurts to turn my neck at work. Funny how this crept up on me. Never would have realized what was going on had I not ended up in the hospital.

Never again. My one and only project for now is learning how to first de-stress, then setting up protective boundaries for my life so I am never so loaded again. We all need at least 40minutes to ourselves...awake not sleeping.

Take a look at your life and make sure this isn't happening to you. I'm single without any kids. I don't drink or smoke yet my body still folded from stress. I'm sure alot of you mothers out there are so stressed it's affecting your health as well.

Be careful people!

Naked

I'm back!

I attended a Conference for Women yesterday and I've got blogging material for at least a good month. Please visit regularly so I can drop some knowledge on your foreheads.

It is Sabbath morning right now. I'm waiting for my lil cousin to get out of the shower so I can get in (she takes forever).

I think I've changed. ALOT. I wore my face full of make-up yesterday for the conference for the first time since my baptism. I felt SOOOO unconfortable. I don't think I can do it anymore. The exercise the Pastor forced me to do seems to have made a big difference in my life. I simply feel better as the natural me. The whole day I felt like a clown with facepaint on.

Later in the afternoon I went to get my biweekly mani-pedi. I got my favorite shade of green on my toes and I got a cute neutral on my fingers. I must say that I prefer the neutrals. The green feels awkwardish.

I don't think my change has anything to do with religion or faith or any of that. I think it has to do with acceptance. The real me does not have bright red lips or green toes. lol. I've been wearing make-up for so long that the natural me got lost in all the shades. I don't advocate for either or. I just know for me I'm going to try and enhance what I already look like naturally.

I gave it some thought at the nail shop. My nail lady is so beautiful to me. And then I realized I've never seen her with a stitch of make-up or loud nail colors or anything. She's beautiful to me BECAUSE she's cozy with herself the way she is.

So look forward to me sporting myself with a far more neutral pallet of shades....if I wear any at all.

Oh and I had the same experience with my jewelry.

CONGRATS TO THE NICHOVA CHRONICLES!!!

YEAH!!!. I just realized that I've hit a blogging milestone. 50 blogs!!!! So to celebrate the occasion I will list my top 10 blogs thus far in descending order then name the winner.

Honorable Mentions

Nicole the Grouch
i like me.

No Regrets Please
realization

Math
utter randomness. yet cute and intelligent.

Gotta Get My Life Together
interesting observation

10. Milk Chocolate Love
about music..nuff said

9. My Inner Circle
about my friends..nuff said

8. Worth
about me..nuff said. lol

7. Women Shave your Legs!!!
something that was on my chest for awhile

6. Black People
mmm

5. Nicole, Naturally
:)

4. Can I Rub Your Head and Wash Your Hair
bigger :)

3. Caribbean Massive
about my men..nuff said.

2. Black Men Reading
my gift to my brothers

1. The ONLY one
my gift to myself


And my absolute favorite is.........(Drum roll Please)................................................................................

Rape & Divorce

This blog flowed like water out of me. The truest lesson I've learned about how I became 'that girl' full of scars.

I am proud of my blog. When I re-read some of my blogs they seem really interesting to me. I make myself laugh quite a bit. NicHova's cool!! Tell ya friends about me!!

btw....the other blogs that didn't make the list are just as good....please spend some time and enlighten yourselves with the knowledge I drop like hot fiyah.

LOL.

Yall married?

Ok I just finished the previous blog and I feel impressed to write another. I am doing no work today.

So I know quite a few people dealing with cheating 'mates'. Not like in a marriage or anything, just the regular relationship. It really hurts my heart to see this happening. People are mixing themselves up in relationships that mimic marriage but really aren't. Girls especially. All it takes is for that man to call you 'wifey' and you cooking him dinner and hand-washing his boxers. Shouldn't it take more than that for you to start performing wifey duties....like being a real WIFE. Stop giving folks access to all you are before they make some sort of serious serious commitment to you. If you aint a wife stop acting like one! You're gonna get hurt badly.

People that live together make this mistake alot. I lived with a boyfriend before and I felt like I was supposed to be cooking dinner and he should be taking out trash and all that. But let's be real. That's wasn't my husband! People get all confused. You are only dating this individual. So when the relationship ends...and most do, you end up having to divide up not only possessions but your emotions; far more than you would have otherwise.

I'd also like for someone to explain to me how it is you can forgive a cheating mate? I could NEVER. I don't care if I have 50kids with the man I am LEAVING. I don't know how you can forgive even the suspicion of cheating. If the man allowed a situation to occur that gives off the impression of cheating I'm LEAVING. Maybe cause I'm just super loyal so I expect the same. I cannot comprehend how women are internalizing this and forgiving. No way in the world. Someone please tell me how this is done. Please. Are yall not feeling? Is self-esteem that distant. Self-respect? How do you sleep with that individual ever again. I wouldn't let the man breathe in my direction. And I sure wouldn't let my children see that I am a pushover with no limits to the disrespect I'll tolerate. I won't tolerate none. None atall.

No need to waste 5yrs of your youth on loser after loser, or just one big loser the whole time. We don't get any of our time back. And it speaks to your self-image when you stay despite that gut feeling. I didn't really like myself that much during those relationships. I would always gain like 20-30lbs and end up having to work it off when I finally got out. Like I am doing right now.

Now that I am cool with me again I just don't understand how I justified those relationships to myself. It was so ridiculous. Such a waste of energy and RESOURCES.

And when the relationship ends please just cry it out. But accept your blame. There is always partial blame. The cheater might be a jerk but you picked em. That person didn't just wake up and become a cheater. Something rang an alarm in your head long before and you ignored it. So yes be mad at em but equally be upset with yourself.

Time for accountability people.

Avoid the unnecessary pain.

Hurt People

This past Sabbath was Singles Sabbath at church. It was quite interesting. We had a Seventh-Day Adventist Clinical Psychologist as the guest speaker. She's also the head of Singles Ministries for the North American Division of SDAs.

Singleness in church is so interesting. If you go unmarried for a long time people start trying to pair you off with someone. It's almost like something is wrong with you if you don't find a mate. But the Psychologist made a good point. There is a shortage of men in the world but there is an even greater shortage of men in the church. Most church women want to marry a church man and that is NOT easy to do. And it's only getting worse as time goes by.

But the most eye opening portion of Saturday was the evening question and answer session. I realized that the women in the church are in various forms of pain. All of them had some traumatic experience. Some were molested or raped as young girls. Some were in abusive marriages. Abusive relationships. Loveless relationships. The usual was a verbally/emotionally abusive situation that they stayed in for the sake of their kids.

My age group was under-represented but I have an idea of what women my age are dealing with. I got friends same age as me already divorced. Single mothers. Abusive relationships; I was in one of these myself.

I realized that my year of non-dating and self exploration was well spent. I've been dealing with alot my issues. I was a very hurt person. The traumatic experiences of my life simply compounded and I can honestly say I was an emotional zombie. I wasn't fit to be in a relationship. I have a few things I really wanna delve into still. I think women need to deal with their hurts. We are carrying them into our relationships. Yes men are to blame also but we need to do our part and not burden them with our issues subconsciously.

I think I was a b*tch in one of my relationships. I was sooo naive in the one prior. The hurt from the first caused me to just flip to the other extreme. It wasn't guy #2's fault that guy #1 was an ass. And though they were both not for me I still didn't need to do my part to escalate the situation. By the time I got to guy #3 I was all over the place. That one ended up being abusive in a very interesting way. He didn't outright hit me but he was so dangerously passive aggressive I think I woulda preferred taking a beating.

Pain is only for a season if you allow yourself to process it. Don't block it up until you forget about it and think it's ok to date someone new. That person will have to deal with your past even if you don't realize it.

Love is out there for all of us. I trust that God has my person already picked out. I'm dealing with my issues now so he won't have to in the future.

Hurt people hurt people.

Huge Hamburger.....

Ok. So I can't even write. I took 3X the dosage of psyllium husks (a bulk forming fiber) and I can't think straight. It feels like I've swallowed a huge hamburger without chewing it.

This is in preparation for my final colonic. I am only drinking water and tea until this colonic in 4hrs. I want to get it ALL out. ALL of it.

I feel for the technician lady.....it's gonna be a wild scene in there.

LOL.

Caribbean Massive.....

Aight. So my friend had up a blog post and I left a comment. http://prettynpnk-n-randomshyt.blogspot.com/2008/04/im-going-to-hell-now.html

Basically I cannot with a clear conscience recommend that someone date a Jamaican, Trinidadian, Tobagonian or a Haitian man. Unless of course I know the man personally and he's proven to be decent.

These islands produce unfaithful men. Period. Nowhere in their minds does the thought of monogamy exist. And honestly, the women of these islands know it and pretty much accept it. They don't even flip out that much when these men are caught cheating. If you wanna call it 'caught' cause they rarely try to seriously hide it.

Now I'm not a 'hater' as her 'man-friend' called me this morning. Not at all. I LOVE the men of the Caribbean. Actually I am loyal to em. I know that I'm going to marry one of them or I won't get married at all. I need one of them to take charge of me. I can be a handful. I don't think African American guys have what it takes to truly get inside my mind and calm me. They are just so potent; in every way. I need a peanut punch drinkin man. Their maleness is undeniable. Overpowering. It's just so....mmm.

YES YES YES YES YES!!!!! I'll shampoo ya locks. Oh gosh.

MMM. let me stop for a second and breathe.............................................................................................................aight I'm back.

I'm West Indian so I know these things. I'm going to recommend a few islands to those women who, like me, cannot date men other than those from the West Indies.

1. St. Lucia - this is my dad and his side of the family. They are quite cute. All of my millions of cousins are very attractive. They tend to have dreads alot as well; always a plus. These men are hard workers and take care of their children. They cheat but not on the high levels of the Jamaican and Trini man. You need to give this man sex all the time and keep your body right. They like eye candy. They are linear thinkers like me and my dad. French inspired accents.

2. St. Kitts (the Virgin Islands in general) - these ones are pretty friendly. Social. Not so rugged if you like that type. I'd dare to say maybe a lil sensitive. I can't stand soft men but some girls do. More prone to show their emotions. And of course, all men have the potential to cheat, but these are more in tune with such things as love and crap. lol. Good luck.

3. Grenada - They don't do the dreads so much so I'm not sure. They are more of the home building type of men. More church men I think per population. Average on the attractive scale. Nothing special. Just decent men. I have seen some ashy heels on a few of these. The accent is cute.

4. Barbados / Bahamas / Antigua - now my mom recommended these for me. I don't know many personally but I would suspect they are chill characters. If I had to chose I'd pick Bahamas then Barbados based on looks. I like a darker but silken man. lol. I'm crazy. Antiguans are lighter. No can do. I feel the light skinned ones are lacking in potency, lil watered down.

5. Guyana - technically not the West Indies, actually South America. But they share our culture so they get included. I dated one of these for quite some time. They are similar to Trinidad I believe; maybe because they are so close to each other. Now these know how to cook. I like that ALOT. They got the indians like Trinidad but you can easily find a pure black one. The accent sounds comical to me but it's an accent so...... The food is great. Curry like I like. This one is hard for me to call cause the one I dated is making it hard for me to make blanket statements. He has dreads now and I don't think he's the cheating type...so take it for what it is when making your decisions.

I'm not familiar with the men of most of the other islands too much. I really must big up my St. Lucians though. If I wasn't probably related to the whole island I'd marry me one of them. They are the cutest by far. Complete package for me anyways. Oh yeah, they cook too. My dad can throw down far better than my mom.

Not to toss Trini and Jamaica to a corner.....they are great too......EXCEPT they cannot be faithful. Plain truth of it all.

btw....Nichova will re-enter the dating world in July. Watch out world!