Hurt People

This past Sabbath was Singles Sabbath at church. It was quite interesting. We had a Seventh-Day Adventist Clinical Psychologist as the guest speaker. She's also the head of Singles Ministries for the North American Division of SDAs.

Singleness in church is so interesting. If you go unmarried for a long time people start trying to pair you off with someone. It's almost like something is wrong with you if you don't find a mate. But the Psychologist made a good point. There is a shortage of men in the world but there is an even greater shortage of men in the church. Most church women want to marry a church man and that is NOT easy to do. And it's only getting worse as time goes by.

But the most eye opening portion of Saturday was the evening question and answer session. I realized that the women in the church are in various forms of pain. All of them had some traumatic experience. Some were molested or raped as young girls. Some were in abusive marriages. Abusive relationships. Loveless relationships. The usual was a verbally/emotionally abusive situation that they stayed in for the sake of their kids.

My age group was under-represented but I have an idea of what women my age are dealing with. I got friends same age as me already divorced. Single mothers. Abusive relationships; I was in one of these myself.

I realized that my year of non-dating and self exploration was well spent. I've been dealing with alot my issues. I was a very hurt person. The traumatic experiences of my life simply compounded and I can honestly say I was an emotional zombie. I wasn't fit to be in a relationship. I have a few things I really wanna delve into still. I think women need to deal with their hurts. We are carrying them into our relationships. Yes men are to blame also but we need to do our part and not burden them with our issues subconsciously.

I think I was a b*tch in one of my relationships. I was sooo naive in the one prior. The hurt from the first caused me to just flip to the other extreme. It wasn't guy #2's fault that guy #1 was an ass. And though they were both not for me I still didn't need to do my part to escalate the situation. By the time I got to guy #3 I was all over the place. That one ended up being abusive in a very interesting way. He didn't outright hit me but he was so dangerously passive aggressive I think I woulda preferred taking a beating.

Pain is only for a season if you allow yourself to process it. Don't block it up until you forget about it and think it's ok to date someone new. That person will have to deal with your past even if you don't realize it.

Love is out there for all of us. I trust that God has my person already picked out. I'm dealing with my issues now so he won't have to in the future.

Hurt people hurt people.