Love You Michael.....always and forever

It's been awhile. Alot has happened. As soon as school started I completely forgot about my blog....

I'm 27 now :(

My uncle died in April. He had such a peaceful spirit. He was a gift from God.

In July my hero died.....Michael Jackson. This blog is really inspired by him.
Last night they left him in his final resting place. I can't describe the feeling in me. I didn't know the time it was to occur but last night I couldn't listen to his dance music, only the ballads. It was like his breath was in the air. It might sound crazy but I truly love and miss Michael Jackson. He was my brother, my father and friend all in one. He inspired all the things I love today. My first memories include him. He defined all things magical and spiritual in my formative years. He never let me down as I grew up. He had words of wisdom to walk me through ANY situation. THANK YOU MICHAEL! ALWAYS INLOVE!

I believe God gifts us with certain special people in every generation. These people are gems. They embody God's love; spiritual geniuses. Michael was that person for my generation. Martin Luther King, Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela.......all of these people were presents packaged by God Himself; they were all fragments of the love source.

Last night I looked to the sky and simply thanked God for allowing me to experience the present of Michael Jackson; love unfettered. What a man, what spirit.

I know most won't understand but to the few fortunate ones who do....RIP Michael Jackson, Prince of Music (God Almighty is the King).

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year!

I've been away from my blog for awhile. I've had alot of things to focus on. For a few months I focused on getting into graduate school....GWU here I come Jan 12th :)

Before that I was focused on organizing the basement where I now live. (Finally finished painting and furnishing )

Then the holidays came. Ofcourse you focus on family and friends and the true reason for the season.

But another year has passed and I've realized that time flies. Sounds like a typical cliche but no really, time really does fly. I had insomnia last night and I started looking at my old facebook albums. This time last year I still had a head full of perm! I can't imagine that. I was still new to my job. Honestly I was exhausted with life and although God found me I still felt a bit hopeless.

What a difference a year can make!

I hate making resolutions (always to lose 20lbs). I've had a revelation. If I would just focus more on God and modeling the life of Jesus Christ EVERYTHING else would simply fall into place. There would be no need for resolutions each year.....except to spend more time in devotion and communion with God.

I'm starting this year with one resolution, to spend time in meaningful devotion and prayer with God each morning. I'm NOT a morning person so I've asked God to wake me up each morning and He has. In less than a week I've learned more reading my Bible under the guidance of the Holy Spirit than I have in my entire life. AMAZING.

I'll check back on this post in a year and see how far God has brought me. My prayer is that I won't resist his urgings but instead follow Him in whatever direction He leads me.

Happy New Year!

Grateful and Thankful!

I feel soooo good!!!

I got into grad school today. I went to lunch, came back and there it was....an email from George Washington University congratulating me!

My story is an interesting one. I actually don't deserve to go to grad school. I made some really poor choices in undergrad. Although I did graduate I should have had a MUCH higher GPA. But I prayed over this situation so it was no longer impossible.

Somehow God saw fit to give me another chance. Words cannot express just how grateful I am.

That's really all I had to say. I'm just thankful.

Yes we did!!!!

I have cried maybe 20X between last night and this morning. I'm at my desk and I cannot work, I cannot focus on anything but the fact that my boss is Barack Obama.

My grey matter cannot absorb what it means. It's simply too much to understand right now. This means so much to so many people for so many reasons.

I voted with Martin Luther King in my head. He's dead. He has no idea what has happened; that he was victorious. Barack's mom doesn't know that her baby boy is the President. His grandmother knew it was coming but she too has no idea what it felt like to see him stand behind that podium last night. What a reunion in heaven that will be! I wanna see his mom's face when she hears the news.

My heart has been focused on black men for so long. My soul bleeds for them. Slavery soooo ruined their focus and pride. Thank you Barack for being so excellent that our men can see themselves in you. I can look at my little cousins and tell them that 'you can be President one day if you want to!' You don't have to rap or play ball. You can read and learn and exude eloquence and consistent temperment. Your dreams are no longer limited and your destiny has no barriers.

Black men, please see your worth! Stop spreading your seed aimessly and build homes and repair families. Prove yourselves worthy of the regal blood that runs through your veins. You have always been more than your sexual prowess and physical strength. Now be more!

(please hold, cry break...........................................................................................)

I am alive today! I got to see this. I can sit in a rocking chair one day and tell my kids and grandkids that I saw this and felt this and played a part in it.

This is such a spiritual day....more than a political day. People prayed and fasted. People DIED! The movement that started it all was born of Pastors in southern churches. God is so great and being a believer means more than going to church and paying tithes. Barack's character reflects one of a higher moral standard and I strive to emulate such. I am so proud. God must be pleased.

I'm inlove with the future! 'Hold fast to dreams....." (means so much more now)

Powerful Hope

I went to bed early last night. Woke up at 6am but couldn't move my limbs to get out of the bed. Did not arrive at my local polling station until 7:45am. :(

But :) !

I had a good time. John F. Kennedy HS had a line that wrapped around the side of the building. The main parking lot was full. Wasn't exceptionally cold. I stopped at Starbucks for some hot chocolate beforehand.

I made a few friends during the wait. The man in front of me described the Obama/Biden rally in Manassas, VA the prior night. He stood for four hours to hear Obama speak. From 11am-8pm tonight he is devoted to getting out the vote in VA.

Two people ahead of me was a very pregnant woman in pink flip flops and tights. She stood for the entire two hours and did not complain once. She cast her vote with the biggest smile.

Countless elderly and disabled citizens voted early this morning. I'm sure they had memories of the 60s and 70s......how could they NOT vote?!

Finally we entered the building and a picture of JFK was at the door. Suddenly I felt sentimental about what was going on this morning. We turned a corner and a black and white photo of MLK on the Mall after he delivered his Speech was on the wall. I read the entire speech while I waited. I looked around and everyone else in line near me was reading it too. Sobering moment....

I know we didn't vote for Barack because he's black. I was just sooo happy that I was able to vote for a black man that IS the BEST candidate to be President. The fact that I saw his name at the very top of my ballot.....AMAZING. And behind it all is the suffering of African Americans decades ago. We all know that lives were lost fighting for this ability to vote....but really think about it. How serious that is! I cannot think of a single public figure in my lifetime that I've been so proud of.

There are dozens of election parties I could attend tonight but I'm going to stay home. I want to watch this in the privacy of my room. Either way I'm gonna shed some tears. And it's not for Obama himself but for all those who are asleep in their graves who's dream he represents.

Hope is so powerful.

Me again

I'm bizack! (at least that's what I'm saying today)

Very interesting couple of months in my life. I had a little wild streak that left me really unsatisfied with life. I'm back to my normal self and it feels GREAT. Life can be peaceful even if you are busy. Just focus on what is important.

I have some not so good coping mechanisms. Stress can sometimes get the best of me. I found myself in bed by 7pm last Friday and I didn't even go to church this past Sabbath. I just wanted to mope around.

The most difficult thing has been distancing myself my triggers (things and people). I can feel secluded at times but is that really bad? Spending more and more time in your own thoughts and in your own company can be empowering. If you allow your self inquiry to penetrate deeply you can learn some things that seem best suited for fiction.

I remember praying for company. It wasn't because I didn't have friends...I just didn't feel I had people in my life that I could share my journey with. Slowly that is changing under the most unexpected circumstances. God always works like that in my life.

It's good to be back.

Mob mentality

I remember learning about the mob mentality in social studies I think back in middle school. The term mob mentality is interchangeable with 'herd behavior' or 'group mind'. lol. That sounds funny to me.

Please see below,
The bandwagon effect, also known as social proof or "cromo effect" and closely related to opportunism, is the observation that people often do and believe things because many other people do and believe the same things. The effect is often pejoratively called herding instinct, particularly when applied to adolescents. People tend to follow the crowd without examining the merits of a particular thing. The bandwagon effect is the reason for the bandwagon fallacy's success.

The bandwagon effect is well-documented in behavioral psychology and has many applications. The general rule is that conduct or beliefs spread among people, as fads clearly do, with "the probability of any individual adopting it increasing with the proportion who have already done so".^[1] As more people come to believe in something, others also "hop on the bandwagon" regardless of the underlying evidence.

My sister and I had a discussion about this relating to politics. I'm a Barack supporter but I agree with Ralph Nader on the whole Wall Street bailout. Everyone is so up in arms and panicking to do 'something' but no one seems to be taking a slightly slower, more intellectual approach to the issue. This feels like an economic 911; where King Bush II excites/frightens the country in order to gain support for improper legislation. Is no one else seeing this?!

I see this bandwagon behavior permeating even in adult social circles. Sad but true. The sad part is that, just as the definition above states, it is usually reserved for adolescents. That is why I often feel pulled back to HS days when the 'herd' tries involve me in self degrading mentality. Discernment should accompany age. Right?

It can even be applied to religious faith. Most people believe what they believe simply because everyone around them does as well. Perhaps it was passed through their family tradition. It's rare that people examine their spiritual beliefs and check to make sure there is actual truth in them. I was once guilty of this.

But there is freedom in breaking from the 'pack'. The greatest thinkers are usually the separatists; not easily lead by the interests of the majority. These individuals often examine the validity in assertions before releasing their support. This is a goal to reach for. INTELLECTUAL EXCELLENCE.

I am well on my way. Sometimes I get sucked in by the mob though. The temptation is often great. But I find my way back....to the more quiet side of independent thought.